


Boredom

by dark_shine1



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-18 23:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7334149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_shine1/pseuds/dark_shine1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bully and a weird guy try to get along, but they accidentally fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is not mine, but the original author is my best friend and she gave me permission to upload it on here! I hope you enjoy it as much as I've done it!

"Damn you, Dominic, why do you have to be that sexy?", the blonde girl said as she got up from my bed. I could see her perfect ass from where I was.

"I don't know, maybe due to genetics. Now, as we talked... You have to go. My mum will arrive in a while and she doesn't have to know that a girl slept with me yesterday".

"But... Do you promise me you'll call me?", she asked. I even didn't know her name, I'd just asked her if she wanted to sleep with a real man.

"I promise it", I lied. "Now, get out of my house".

The girl reached my face and pressed her lips against mine. She smelled like strawberries and sweat. She left my room, I got up from my bed and I watched from my window. People was walking calmly on their way to their jobs. I could hear her putting on her clothes before leaving my house. I put on a new pair of clean boxers and went downstairs to find something to eat. There was cereal, but there was no milk. And, as I couldn't cook, I had to take strawberry mermelade sandwiches for breakfast.

It was Saturday, so my mum would arrive late to the house. I went upstairs, put on some clean clothes and I stayed there, watching the telly. I was bored to death. There was nothing to do there and the reality show that I was watching was a repetition so I knew who had won. As they were currently filming the next season, fans had to comform with the last (And shitty) season. Yes, I was a fan of that reality show. Problem?

After watching three episodes from the show, I turned off the telly and I took my phone. I called Chris, my best friend and my neighbor, and we talked for a while.

"So, how was yesterday's action", Chris asked.

"It was amazing. That girl is amazing in the bed, you should try with her one day".

"I'll do it, mate", Chris laughed. "Just tell me her name".

"I don't know it. I think she left her phone number somewhere".

"You have to give it to me".

"You know I'll do it. Now, the real thing... I'm bored, mate".

"Do you want a girl?".

"No, my mum will arrive home soon and I don't want her to know that I'm stabbing girls at seventeen".

"Hmm... How about bothering our new neighbor?".

"You know I don't like to do it if you aren't there. Also... We've never bothered him".

"This is a great day to begin!".

"Okay! Let's do it!".

"But you'll have to do it alone. I have to go to the doctor. But tell me everything, okay? Also that girl's phone number".

"I'll do it, mate. Good luck, don't cry too hard".

"You're an asshole".

Chris hung up and I left my phone next to me. I sighed, got up, fixed my hair and my clothes, took my keys and left the house. Okay, I was going to bother my new neighbor. Although I didn't know him at all. But Chris and I always do that. Actually, we were the main reason of why that house was always for sale until now.

I knocked on the door, yawning. I was really sleepy, but I wanted to do something, not just sleep all day. The door opened, and a tiny guy appeared in front of me. He was a bit shorter than I, he had black and short hair, blue eyes, sharp cheekbones, pale skin and he seemed like he didn't have an upper lip. I smiled evilly at him and I said:

"Hello".

"Hi", he answered, a bit shy.

"What's your name?".

"I'm Matthew. Yours?".

"That doesn't matter. Listen, Matthew, I'm here to warn you. There's a bully in this neighborhood, his name's Dominic. He can seriously hurt you if you aren't careful enough. He'll do you horrible things".

"Like what?", Matthew asked. He seemed a bit scared.

"Like this", I said while I pushed him violently. He looked at me shocked.

"What the hell is wrong with you?", he screamed, but I could see some fear in his eyes.

"I'm just showing you".

"I don't want you to show me anything. You just pushed me into my own house! You're an idiot!".

"Listen, Matthew, I can seriously harm you if you keep talking to me like that. So, I recommend you to shut the hell up if you don't wanna lose a tooth".

Matthew looked at me, really scared. He blinked twice before closing the door firmly. I smiled to myself and walked back to my house.

When I came back to my house, I found my mum talking with a blonde, very elegant woman. She smiled at me, and my mum said:

"Oh, Dominic, where had you been? Look, I wanna introduce you to Marilyn Bellamy. She's our new neighbor. She has two children, and of them is your age!".

"Really?", I acted as if I were interested.

"Yes! I don't know if you've already known him. His name's Matthew", Mrs. Bellamy said.

I froze as soon as I heard Marilyn's son's name. I ran a hand through my messy, dirty blond hair and I answered, pretending I was okay:

"Maybe I'll know him at school".

"I'm sure you'll be great friends. Although he's a bit shy".

"And innocent", I thought, remembering his blue-eyed glance full of fear. And I also thought that, I would get loads of fun by bullying him.

"Oh, that's not a problem. I like to meet new people", I said and I ran towards my room. I almost fell on the stairs, but I didn't care. I just had the laces of my white (and so original) Converse untied. I locked myself and I started laughing almost uncontrollably. I took my phone and I messaged Chris, saying "Hey block, I just met our new neighbor. Good material. Also, here's the girl's number. Her name's Kelly, by the way", and I attached Kelly's phone number.

Then, I proceeded to take a bloody shower once for all. I couldn't stand my own smell. As I had a bathroom next to my bedroom, I just had to look for my towel and then locked in my bathroom. I found Kelly's pink underwear under the sink. I laughed and I threw it away. I didn't need that thing in my life.

While I was washing my hair and singing along to a mainstream song, I found myself thinking of Matthew. I didn't know why, but his voice screaming "What the hell is wrong with you?" at me had filled up my mind. I forced my mind to think of another thing. I just couldn't be thinking of a shy and innocent guy which I had just bullied. I was Dominic James Howard, bully of bullies, man of men, winner of winners. I couldn't be having mercy for a stupid new guy. I rinsed my hair and concentrated in the water trickling through the locks of my hair. Suddenly, I didn't feel comfortable with myself. It was like if I had done something bad to someone. And I started thinking that... What if I truly had done something bad to someone? Maybe... Cheating on that girl so I could stab her to death, stealing from my mum's purse so I could buy that pair of fancy headphones, bullying my new neighbor so I could show him who's the boss?...  
Maybe I was someone's worst nightmare.

And, the rest of the day, I stayed on my room, thinking.  
That was the beginning of my numbness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Dominic apparently forgot that he was someone's worst nightmare...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did!

Two weeks later, I never thought I would find myself in front of the Bellamy's house, holding a homemade cheesecake in my hands. I was really nervous, and I even was shaking, although I was wearing my expensive and fancy leather jacket and the weather wasn't that cold. I sighed while I rang the bell again. The door opened, and a young boy appeared in front of me. He was similar to Matthew, but his eyes shape were different. Also, his hair was thicker.

"Hmm... Who are you?", he asked.

"My name's Dominic. Is Mrs Bellamy in there? My mum sends her this cheesecake", I mumbled.

"My mum's working... But we accept the cheesecake, don't worry", the young boy answered and tried to take the cheesecake of my hands.

"Your mum? Are you Matthew?", I asked him, surprised. That definitely wasn't Matthew.

"No, I'm his older brother, Paul. Matthew's in there", he said.

"That's great. Well, here you have, I hope you enjoy it. I have to go, see you", I said and I returned to my house. I had got nervous, and I had ruined my reputation with that guy, maybe. I entered in my house and threw myself on the couch. My mum was already at work, and she would return at night. And that gave me an idea. I took my phone and I searched in my contacts list for an specific number. The contact name suddenly appeared, and I bit my bottom lip, lustfully.

"Brittany Hayes".

I pressed the 'call' button, while I hummed a song. At the second tune, she answered.

"What's up, baby?", she asked me, with her sexy voice.

"Hey babe, do you wanna make it up today?".

"You know I always want to. When?".

"Right now. Bring that sexy black underwear, you know which one".

"I'll do it baby".

Then she hung up. I left my phone on the table, ran towards my bedroom and I changed my clothes. Brittany was somewhat like my personal whore. She made it up with me when I wanted to do it. People said she was in love with me, but I didn't love her.

I heard the bell ringing. I looked myself for the last time in the mirror and I went downstairs. When I opened the door, Brittany's lips stuck almost immediatly with mine. She began to bite my bottom lip, making sexy noises. She knew that turned me on. I pushed my tongue into her mouth and I put my hands in her breasts. I pushed her on the coach and I placed myself above her. I took off her white skirt and I saw her sexy black underwear.  
And, obviously, we made it out. Twice.

When Brittany left, I proceeded to clean up my bed's sheets. I knew my mum would kill me if she discovered that I stabbed girls in her own house. I put on my clothes and I looked through the window. Marilyn Bellamy's older son, Paul, was hugging a blonde, short girl a few meters away from my house.

"Guess that guy's got a new girlfriend", I mumbled while I closed the window.

Then I threw myself in my bed, turned on the telly and I watched reality shows the whole morning. Although, some times, I found myself thinking of the cheesecake, Paul and how awkward I had behaved. I almost never behaved like that, I'd always been really confident when I talked with strangers, but now I'd behaved... Different. I'd felt nervous, but... Why? I thought on the answer for several minutes, while I did another things.

It was when I was preparing some ramen, when a weird thought crossed my mingd.

"What if... You were expecting Matthew to open the door? And that's why you felt nervous? Because you knew you would have to apologize to him?".

I blinked twice, confused. Apologize to him? That was ridiculous! I was Dominic James Howard! I'd never apologized with someone, never! And, I had done anything to him, I only had pushed him!

I sighed, smiling awkwardly. That thought had been completely stupid. I took my ramen and I went upstairs. There, I had lunch in silence.

***

"Mum, come on, I don't wanna go to that bloody meeting".

"Stop cursing or else I'll wash your mouth with clothes' detergent, Dominic. We promised it to Marilyn", my mom said, clearly angry.

I looked down, controlling myself to not throwing something at her. She took the keys and we both left the house, with the alarm turned on, obviously. We walked some meters in which we didn't talk at all, until we arrived to the place where the meeting was taking place: One of the fanciests places in Exeter.

When we entered the place, my heart stopped for a moment. There was Chris, Brittany, Kelly, and... Matthew. And he seemed... Happy. I cleared my throat, nervous. Brittany looked beautiful in her white, short dress. She was talking excitedly with Chris, who looked different. All of them, all those lumpen members, looked so different, so classy... I wanted to throw up. I ran towards the restroom, not because I wanted to vomit, but because I wanted to hide from all those people who pretended to be normal when they were the worst of the worst. Come on, two whores and a bully, dressing   
like if they were in a red carpet. That was ridiculous.

When I opened up the door to enter to the restroom, I hit someone with it. I quickly closed the door and I began to apologize:

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to... Matthew?".

He was standing in front of me, looking at me angrily. He had one of his hands on his head, in the place where I had hit him. I couldn't help but  
smile.

"Does this seem funny to you?", he asked.

"Yeah, it does. You look so pathetic".

"Thank you, I know it. I don't want to be here, honestly, so if you're going to kill me or something, do it right now and end with my suffering".

I blinked almost five times, confused. He still was looking at me, with a serious glance. I closed my eyes, denied with my head, opened them again and I said:

"I'm not going to kill you, that'd be too easy. But, can you tell me... What is this meeting about?".

"Paul's birthday. My mum invited all the teens in the neighborhood, but I guess she forgot I didn't want to be here".

"Why?", I asked. That was when I stopped. Was I being nice to Matthew? No, no way.

"She wants us to make tons of friends, I guess. I suppose she didn't know that the lumpenproletariat lives in our neighborhood".

"W-what? The lumpenproletariat?", I asked. That was my favorite word.

"I'm sorry. You're not part of the lumpenpro... Please, if you're going to kill me, do it quickly and send my bones to my mother".

And, surprisingly, I laughed. He looked at me, confused. I took a deep breath and said:

"I'm not gonna kill you, don't worry. I was going to say that lumpenproletariat is my favorite word".

"Really? I like all this Marxism matter, you know? My mum says it's stupid but it's actually very interesting".

How did I ended sitting on a table, talking with Matthew about economy and stuff? I. Didn't. Know. The only thing I knew, is that Chris had seen us, and some times he fixed his glance on us. But Matthew hadn't noticed that, fortunately.

I had a good time, in brief. I never thought I'd enjoy that stupid meeting, but I did. I didn't talk to Chris, Brittany nor Kelly, and obviously I didn't say anything to Paul for his bloody birthday. A week ago, I'd gave him a cheesecake. So that counted as my gift for him. I stayed with Matthew the whole event, talking about Marxism and things related to it. We had a good time. I even smiled in many occasions (I did smile, but not that often 'cause, come on... I'm a bully and I have an image).

When my mum and I arrived home, she left her keys above the tea table and called me.

"Dominic".

"What's up, mom?".

"Thank you for being friendly to Matthew. Marilyn told me he's too shy sometimes, and he doesn't have any friends here. It was surprising, because you aren't the kind of person that actually cares for others. I knew you were a good child, Dominic. I'm so proud of you".

"T-thanks, mom... It means a lot, seriously".

My mom smiled, ruffled my hair and entered to the kitchen.

Call me crazy but, that day, I didn't feel a bad person at all.  
And Matthew began to seem interesting to me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And you called him 'Fucking bastard'...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoy this chapter as much as my friend did writing it and as much as I did reading it for the first time!

Eventually, Matthew and I talked a few times at school after the weird meeting. We talked about philosophy theories and stuff like that. Chris had told me that he had seen us many times talking, and I had just said: "Fuck off". Matthew still was a bit scared of me, and I couldn't help but being rude to him sometimes. It was my bully instinct. He actually was a nice guy. Kinda shy sometimes (Too shy to say some things out loud), but nice.

My mum kept arriving late at home, which allowed me to take many girls to my house. Except for Kelly. She and Chris aparently had made it out once and, since that, they were together all the time, and sometimes they behaved awkward. Like if they were... In love with each other. Ugh. The bully and the whore. Nice tale.

Paul did had a girlfriend, and she and he saw each other in the bench in front of my window every day, so I saw what they did every day after reading. They just talked and hugged, but it was a nice soap opera. "Bellamy and the blonde girl" or "Blondamy's". I even brought some food sometimes.

Anyways. So I was in History class, chatting on my favorite chat group, when I heard Mrs Tennant say:

"So, you all have to bring an advance of your investigation for tomorrow. You know the rule: You can't use uncertified websites, I want all the information to be true and verified, okay? If you think you won't make it on the internet, remember we have a library, and there are plenty of books about the Great Depression that you can read. That's everything, go back to your work".

All the class kept working on their respective essays, and I unlocked my phone and kept chatting. I could do that bloody essay later. But, then, it hit me. My mum had taken my laptop! I sighed, frustrated, and I buried my face in my arms. I checked the clock. One minute left. But that didn't mean anything, because I would have to stay at school until 4 pm, reading books about the Great Depression.

When the bell rang and everyone abandoned their classrooms, I walked straight to the cafeteria. I saw today's menu, but I didn't like anything, so I left  school and I had lunch in a restaurant near my school. It was almost empty, there were only a couple fighting a few seats forward mine. Apparently, he had cheated on her for the third time. I tried my best not to laugh. Was that for real? What did she do with him? She was screaming at him, almost crying in desperation. He was saying something like "I promise that was the last time. Tara, please, give me another chance". I couldn't stand it anymore, I took my glass full of cold water, I walked next to the couple and I pretended I had tripped on something, throwing the water all over him. He looked at me, clearly angry, and shouted:

"You stupid idiot, this shirt is more expensive than your house! You wanna die?".

"Oh, come on, don't do a tantrum. It's only a shirt and a bit of cold water. You can wash it later. But, you want to know what will still remain dirty after washing it again and again? Easy. Your mouth full of lies". Then I threw the plastic glass at his face.

I swear I had never run so fast in my life. I reached the school's front door, I opened it and entered. When I was there, safe, I began to laugh. That had been one of the most dangerous things that I've ever done. I got up from the floor, cleaned my uniform and checked my phone. 1:30 pm. I put it on my pocket and I began to walk towards the library. I had an investigation to begin.

I spent approximately an hour looking for good books, but I had only got two, and they weren't that good. Fuck Mrs Tennant and her "There are plenty of books about the Great Depression that you can read". She obviously had lied. I hit my head against the table, in a giving up attitude. I made a weird noise and I closed my eyes.

When I opened them up and looked up, my eyes collided with Matthew's blue-eyed glance, looking directly at me. He was holding a book in his hands. A Great Depression book. I held my glance, almost competing. Grey against blue. A few seconds later, I blinked and said:

"What are you looking at?".

"Will you use that book?", he asked, pointing an "useless book" with his index finger. I looked at it. Maybe if he wanted to use it it was because it was useful.

"Yes, I'll use it. Now, go away".

"Do you want some help with your investigation? I borrowed some books that can be useful".

I lifted my eyebrow, skeptical. Come on, he looked so unable of doing something. He nodded and pointed a table with his glance. I looked over, and I saw five books above it. Two of them were opened. I sighed and I got up from the chair.

"I can bring the books and my stuff if you want", Matthew said quickly.

I looked at him, a bit confused, while he went to his table, closed the books and arranged his stuff. Why was he being nice to me? It was supposed that he feared me. He approached to my table, left the books above the table and seated in front of me.

"How's your investigation going? In which part you are?", he asked me, opening one of the books that he had brought.

"How was Germany at that time", I mumbled. He nodded and started his research. That, indeed, was my investigation.

And I thought: "Well, Matthew is doing the work for you so, why if you let him do the whole work? He'll be okay with that".  
Sometimes I was a true genius.

I adopted a relaxed position on my chair, pulled out my phone and started to chat and do another things. I even snapped one of my whores. When the bell rang, I checked the time. Five minutes until 4 pm. I put my phone in my pocket and said:

"Did you finish?".

"Hold on, I just have to write the last thing...", he said while he was writing something down. I smiled evilly. Then he left his pen, closed the books and smiled.

"You finished?".

"Yes. Here you have", and he gave me a page full of references.

"What are those?", I asked, very angry.

"References. Did you think I was going to do your investigation? I'm not stupid, Dominic. I said I was going to help you, and your plan was to take advantage of that. Not today. Hmm, you should start now, the library closes at 5 pm. Well, I have to go. See you tomorrow".

He took his stuff and began to walk towards the exit. I took a deep breath and I shouted:

"Fucking bastard!".

Obviously, everybody at the library got mad at me. I apologized and looked at the page that he had given me. I took the first book that he had referenced and opened it on the page that he had written. And I forgot how to talk.

All the pages that he had written down in the paper were covered with blue post it's, telling me what to put and how to put it. He had marked dates, names, important events and more. I smiled. I closed that book and opened another one. It was the same. I sighed, and I opened them all.

I didn't finish my investigation that day at the library because, at the end, I just had to take an advance of it the next day. But I borrowed all the books and took them all to my house, because I wanted to finish it. I didn't do it. But that day I didn't watch any reality shows, I didn't talk to my whores and I didn't chat with anyone. I... I was a productive person that day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inside Dominic's weird day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter as much as I did reading it for the first time! Any feedback is well received!

  
"But I don't wanna do it".

"But you have to. Dom, if it wasn't for him, you'd had failed History. Is the least you can do".

"But... What if he doesn't like cheesecake?", I said, almost desperate.

"Then give it to me and buy him a cookie pack or something but, damn Dom, just thank him".

I looked at Chris, confused than ever. I never thought that my partner in crime, the biggest bully I knew, would be giving me advice of how I had to thank Matthew for his help. It wasn't that necessary... Or it was? I mean, Matthew had just written down some things to help me to write my investigation, that wasn't that...  
Okay, maybe I had to thank him.

I sighed, walked to the kitchen, opened up the refrigerator and pulled out one of the five mini cheesecakes that my mum had left there. She had told me that I could eat one, and it was the one that I was going to give to Matthew. I closed the fridge and looked at Chris. He just moved his hands in a "You have to do it, mate" attitude. I looked at the mini cheesecake with a glance full of hate. I really didn't wanna do it.

"Dom, listen. He's a shy and skinny guy with pimples and a messy hair. He won't bite you nor kill you. The worst thing he can do is close the door in front of you or reject the cheesecake. He's literally that innocent, calm down!", Chris say, almost laughing.

I lifted my shoulders, adopting an "I don't care" attitude, I said Chris goodbye with my hand, took my keys and I left my house. Matthew's house was a few meters away from mine, I just had to cross one street and walk next to three houses, until I reached a dark sky blue house. I rang the bell two times, holding the mini cheesecake in my hands while I felt nervous again. I found myself muttering "I hope Paul opens the door".

I was going to ring the bell once again, but somebody opened up the door. My heart felt suddenly relaxed. It was Paul.

"What do you want?".

Then, all that relaxation disappeared. I had to ask for Matthew!

"Hmm... Is Matthew in there? There's uh, something I have to tell him".

"Oh yes, he's in his room. You wanna enter?".

"No, I can wait here. Just call him, please".

Paul smiled awkwardly while he nodded. I sighed heavily as I leaned myself on the wall. I was very nervous, so nervous that I even was shaking. I closed my eyes for a second but I opened them again, because I had heard Matthew's voice approaching to the door. I checked my outfit and I placed myself in front of the door again. When he opened up the door, he looked at me perplexed.

"Dominic? What are you doing here?".

"H-hi Matthew. Do... Do you remember when you helped me with my investigation, a week ago? I... Well, I just wanted to tell you that I got one of the best grades in my class. For the first time in my life".

"That's cool. See? And you wanted me to do all your work. I got a B+".

"The thing is... I wanted to...".

"To...", Matthew said and smirked.

"Thank you. Thank you for helping me with my work that day at the library. You helped me to improve my grades at History class, and I really appreciate that. And I... Uh, I wanted to give this to you", and I held out the mini cheesecake to him. Matthew looked at it and then he looked at me, smiling.

"I don't know what to say... Thank you. It means a lot, seriously. Hmm, wow, I thought you were a bad boy", he said, the last thing with a funny tune.

"Come on, I was obligated by my best friend. I didn't even want to do it".

"Chill down, I was joking".

"Don't mock me, Matthew. I'm still a bully and I can seriously harm you if you...".

"No, I don't think so. If you didn't harm me that day at the library, when I refused to do all your work... You can't harm me now".

"You wanna bet?", I said, lifting my voice a bit. He didn't move.

"You won't do it, simply because you're grateful. And because you're not stupid. You know if I stop trusting in you, nobody will help you with your homework. And you need that. You need me".

What in the hell? I looked at him, a bit scared. When the hell had he become confident? I said goodbye to him and I ran towards my house. I entered it, but the sound of the alarm scared me. For a few seconds, I totally forgot the password, which made me feel even more nervous. Eventually, I remembered it and I could disarm it. I entered to the living room, where I found a Chris's note that said: "I had to go, mate. Write me when you're home".

I sighed and threw the note away. Then I threw myself on the couch, closed my eyes and took a quick nap. And I dreamt with a tiny man, a dog, a cheesecake and a weird whistling tune. When I woke up, I still could remember the tune, and I whistled it all day. I opened a tuna can, added lemon and that was my lunch. I hated Saturdays to be honest. My mum never left me anything cooked or left me money to go out and eat in a restaurant. I had to survive my myself or else I would die.

While I was eating my tuna and watching a popcorn movie, I started to think in my life in that last month. It had changed a bit. Just a little bit. I mean, I still hung out with my whores or with Chris, I still bullied some kids during lunch and I still procrastinated to death, but... I felt different. And I just could remember that day when I was showering, when suddenly I didn't feel comfortable with myself at all. It had passed almost a month since that, but I still felt like that sometimes. I felt like I was some kind of a hindrance for my friends, for my mum, for the society... For myself. When I felt my eyes filled by tears, I raised the volume of the telly. Because I didn't want to think in all of that. I still wanted to feel good with myself, even when who I was was unbearable even for myself. I sighed. I just couldn't change. Nobody could fix a twisted branch.

I thought on call one of my whores (Preferably Brittany), but I couldn't. I felt too bad with myself at that moment to think of sex and pleasure. Instead of that, I took one of the books that I had left one day and I finished it. And I realized it was one of the best things I'd ever read. Better than all those empty sex magazines that I used to buy. It was called "Rule by Secrecy". I even asked myself why did my mom have a book like that in the house? Maybe it was from my dad. I put the book with my other important things and I checked the hour. Then, I smiled. My personal soap opera was about to start.

I took my binoculars and I placed myself in the spot that I had marked as "safe", because I could watch everything from there, yet, nobody could see me. Like a minute later, I saw the blonde girl walking towards the bench. I took a more comfortable position and I saw Paul walking towards the bench as well. She smiled when she saw him. He did the same. I smiled too and I kept watching. They hugged, as always, sat down and started talking. I wish I could hear what were they saying. I could see her laughing, and I could see him looking at her with a bright glance. He was in love with her. Suddenly, he took something out of his pocket. A tiny box. She looked at him, kinda nervous, but I could see that he laughed and opened the box. He pulled out whatever it was into the box and showed it to her. And she smiled. I looked closely. It was a necklace.

I watched how he had put it to her, how happy they looked at each other, and how they had kissed minutes after that. It had been a kiss full of love and confidence. I looked down. Suddenly I had felt sad. Because the chances of meeting someone special for me were minimal. I was a bully, a womanizer, a hindrance. There was no chance of be loved by someone.

Suddenly, the phone rang. I wiped out the tears that had fallen through my face and I ran to the phone. I took a deep breath and I answered it.

"Hello?".

"Dominic, is that you?", a girl's voice spoke through the phone. My older sister, Nicole.

"Yes. Nicky?".

"Yes. Oh, Dominic, I really miss you all there. I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to call but... Are you okay? You sounded weird".

"It's okay, Nicky, don't worry. How are you? Mum has missed you a lot these days".

"I'm fine, just a bit alone. Terrence broke up with me two weeks ago and now I'm staying with a friend at her flat, but I'm gonna move soon. I don't wanna bother her. How about you? Mum told me you had got a great note in History. Congratulations! I knew you could do it, Dom".

"Yeah, I got it. But someone helped me, I didn't do it all by myself. I'm too sad to hear that that dick broke up with you".

"Don't worry about it. We were having many problems, it was kind of necessary. How's dad?".

"Don't you remember? He had to go to Scotland due to his job. But he hasn't called in three months".

"Really? Oh no, that's terrible. I hope he's okay".

"I have another theory".

"Dad could never do us something like that, Dom. You know he loves mum with all his heart".

"Yes, but...".

"Okay, stop talking about that. I just called to say that I'm going to visit you all soon! I'm really excited, I bet you're a man now", he said and laughed.

"You left a year ago, I've not changed that much".

"Come on, perhaps you're attractive now!", Nicole joked.

"I've always been attractive. I'm so glad to hear you'll come. Nicky, I really miss you".

"I miss you too, Dom. You're my little brother. But I promise I'll be there soon".

"Okay. Just... Call us at night, okay? Mum's not here and I know she wants to talk with you".

"Okay, I'll do it. I have to go, Dominic, bye".

"Bye, see you soon".

Then she hung up. I did the same and I seated next to the table were the phone was, struggling with my desire to cry. When I had said that I missed my sister, I really meant it. For years, she was the only person in the world who believed in me, no matter what. She had always been there for me when I needed it, she knew how to comfort me when I felt like a mistake, she listened to me even if what I was saying was stupid. And, since she had gone to the university, I was all alone. At the time she went, I wasn't a bully. I was a normal guy.

It was hard to me to remember those days when everything was fine. When I had a real family. When I was a good guy. It hurt.

I went back to my spot and the happy couple still were there, sharing a pair of earphones. Ew. They weren't talking nor doing something interesting, so I started to look at the other benches. There was an old man reading a newspaper, a mom and her child eating an ice cream, a young lady taking a little rest after jogging (Mental note: Ask her for her phone number), a couple walking their dogs... And Matthew, seated a few benches away from Paul and his girlfriend, listening to music and reading. I smiled when I saw him, but I didn't know why. Part of me wanted to go to the park, just to meet him 'by chance' and talk to him, but the other part refused to do it. "Come on, Dom, he's not your friend and you're not his friend".  
Guess what part won?

I took some ice cream and I went back to my spot but, this time, I didn't watch what Paul and his girlfriend were doing. I watched Matthew. And, although he didn't do greater thing, it was interesting to saw him read or change the song. Suddenly, he closed his book and started to look everywhere. I could see he felt relaxed, perhaps happy. The wind blew, and he closed his eyes as he smiled. The wind passed through his short, messy hair and made him look like someone connected with the environment. He almost looked like part of the park in that moment. I took my phone and I took him a picture, with the wind messing his hair, his eyes closed and a smile in his lips.

I thought on delete the picture, but I had taken an amazing shot, I wasn't going to delete such work. I just had taken a great pic, it didn't matter who was the person in the photography. It could have been even Chris and I would had taken the same picture.

After deciding that I was going to keep it just because the shot had been amazing, I looked again but Matthew wasn't there anymore. That was when I left my binoculars on my table and I threw myself on my bed. I was so tired and sad that I fell asleep immediately, although it was just 6 pm. And I dreamt again with the weird whistling tune.

And, when my mom returned from work, I did something that I hadn't done in months: I had diner with her, and we talked about her day. I even mentioned her that Nicole was going to come soon, and she almost cries of happiness. We had a good time together, we talked about a lot of things and, the most important thing was that she understood when I told her that I had had a bad day, and she didn't ask me why.

When I went to sleep, I unlocked my phone to set the alarm, because Chris and I would take a French test at 8 am tomorrow. We both wanted to take French classes and, finally, we would be able to do it. To be honest, I was really excited to do it. But anyways. When I unlocked it, the first thing that I saw was the picture that I had taken. I smiled as I saw every single detail in the photography. Then I closed my gallery, set my alarm and I slept peacefully. I even didn't dream with the whistling tune.

That had been one of the worst days of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dominic goes back to old behaviors...  
> And Kelly's not that bad though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long updating this, I'd had some issues but guess we're back with Dominic's life. I hope you like this chapter as much as I did reading it for the first time! Any feedback is well received!

I was taking French classes along with Chris on Saturdays, and it was a great time to forget the pain of that day. We almost always had lunch together at different places and we talked a lot, as we used to do before. One of those days, when we were talking while we ate hamburgers at a food court, he told me something completely shocking and mindless.

"I think I like Kelly".

"No fucking way!", I screamed at him, extremely angry. The biggest bully and one of the easiest whores just couldn't be in love with each other.

"Listen, mate. One day we were at her house, listening to some music that she liked, when suddenly one of her favorite songs played. We stayed in silence for almost a minute, listening to the song, and then... I looked her in the eyes. And... I don't know, mate, I felt different. I felt something on my stomach, when my eyes collided with hers. And, well, I...".

"You kissed her?!", I screamed.

"No, mate, chill out! I just took her hand! But it was so magical... I don't know. Maybe it's attraction".

"Or maybe you're an idiot. Chris, think of this. You're a bully. She's a whore. You can't change who you are".

"People can change when they meet the right person. Maybe we can help each other to be better people".

I finished my hamburger and I left the food court without saying anything. I was too mad at Chris. Him? In love with the whore? That couldn't be! I started to laugh maniacally while I entered to a store. Please. Chris and Kelly would last like two months together. While I was laughing, I accidentally threw one of the books on the shelves. When I was about to pick it up, someone did the same. I looked up and I saw Matthew. He was wearing a black leather jacket, just like one of mine. I blinked and I just could say:

"Matthew?".

"Yes, that's my name. I guess you have a good taste in books", he said, looking at the book's cover.

"It just... Fell accidentally".

"Of course. Have you ever read it? It's amazing", and he showed me the cover. The book's name was "Brave New World".

"I've never read it. I... I don't like to read that much".

"Same. But my mom loves when I do it. I just read when I'm extremely bored or when I'm looking for inspiration".

"I just read when there's nothing else to do at home".

"Nice. Well... This one was one of my favorites, to be honest. I think you'll like it".

"Wow. What's its genre?".

"Science fiction".

"Guess you don't know me at all, Matthew".

"It was one of the first books I read when I didn't like to do it. I mean, I don't like to do it that often, but I definitely enjoy a good book. And this one is one of them".

Matthew smiled. His eyes looked happy, I could see that. I also could feel how optimistic he felt that day. He began to play with the book in his hands, then he looked at me again.

"What are you doing here?".

"I was running away from the changes".

"What kind of changes? I... I have to pay this book, but if you want, we can talk in a bit. I just have to pay it".

"No, don't worry. Surely you're busy. Also... Never mind. Maybe we can talk another day".

"Seriously? Don't you wanna talk now?".

"No, don't worry. I... I'll see you later, Matthew".

"See you later, then".

I began to walk away from there, but I heard his voice calling me.

"Dominic".

"What?".

"You can call me Matt".

I smiled when he said that. I began to walk backwards, saying goodbye to him, but I bumped with the glass door. He laughed and went back to his business.  
And I felt stupid the rest of the day.

When I returned home, I turned on the telly and I thought on why should I do for like ten minutes. Then, I decided to call two of my whores. Brittany and her sexy friend Allison. They both agreed to go to my house, so I took a quick shower and I dressed up really sexy. When I was doing my hair, I heard some knocks on the door. I went downstairs, humming one of my favorite mainstream songs. When I opened up the door, I found Kelly in front of me. She looked weird.

"Hello, Dominic, may I enter?".

"I... Well, I'm waiting for some...".

"It's something important, okay? I need to talk to you".

What in the hell? She wasn't my friend at all! I looked at her without understand anything. I sighed and I said:

"Come in".

She entered and seated down in my fave couch. She had dressed... Decently. Kelly was wearing a pretty pink dress, white ballerinas and a white sweater. She was looking at me, almost inspecting me.

"It's something related to your friend Chris... That's why I decided to talk with you".

"What's the matter... Kelly?", I said, kinda expecting the topic.

"Well... I think I like your friend. The thing is that, well, we were on my house listening to some music, when one of my favorite songs started and, after a minute or two, he looked me in the eyes and... Well, he... Chris took my hand. And I felt something so magical and pure... Something that I had never felt before. I don't know. Maybe I'm in love with him... What can I do, Dominic?".

"Hmm... Why are you asking me?".

"Because you're an expert in these things".

"Who told you that?".

"Isn't it obvious? The fact that you doesn't have someone right now doesn't mean you're not an expert. Please tell me what can I do".

"First of all", I said, checking the hour. "Do you want to... Make it...".

"No, of course not!", Kelly shouted. "I'm not like that anymore. I wanna fix my life somehow. I'm seventeen, I still can do it. But I really want you to help me, Dominic. I'm desperate".

"Look, Kelly, if you like Chris is okay. Is not that I'll get jealous or something. I'd actually get really happy for you. You know, he hasn't had a proper girlfriend for too long...".

"Yes, but... I'm actually really scared of being less than he deserves. I'm, well... A wh-".

"No, you're not. Not anymore. You're a good girl, Kelly, because you wanna change. Now, listen to me. I haven't changed at all. I invited two whores to come and I think they'll arrive in a few minutes. So... May you please go to my bedroom? I swear I'll help you to solve this problem as soon as I...".

"Where will you all make it up, huh?".

"At the living room. Don't worry. Just... Please".

"I'll do it".

Kelly showed me her middle finger before going upstairs. I just smiled and I seated on the couch, waiting for my girls.   
And, eventually, we made it out.

When they went and I cleaned out the couch and, well, everything; and I went upstairs, I saw Kelly with my phone. She looked at me, said "Hi" and focused on my phone again.

"What the hell you think you're d-".

"Who is he?", Kelly interrupted me, showing me the picture of Matthew that I had taken.

"You don't have permission to look at...".

"Hold on, I think I know him. Isn't he Marilyn Bellamy's youngest son? What was his name?...".

"Matthew. His name's Matthew".

"Yes! Why do you have a picture of him in your phone?".

"Because... Look at that amazing shot! I mean, I'm an excellent photographer if I could took such a masterpiece".

"It looks kinda blurry".

"Your face looks kinda blurry".

"Then you need to see an optometrist".

Kelly and I looked at each other, almost doing a look's war. But then she laughed and added:

"Didn't you bully him for almost like a month? Didn't you hide his physics book once and he get called down because of that?It's so funny to see how things change. Now you have a picture of him saved on your phone".

"I can delete it if I want".

"Let's see. Delete it right now".

I looked at her and I had to contain myself to not to kill her. She gave me my phone, with a devilish grin in her mouth. Okay, maybe Kelly and I could be great friends. I looked at the picture. And, as soon as I fixed my glance in Matthew, I could remember how blissful he looked. And how kind he had been with me today, even when I had been... Myself. I smiled at the picture, and then I looked at Kelly.

"I'm sorry, I can't do it. It's one of the best photos I've ever taken".

"Whatever, Dominic".

"Look, Kelly, maybe you're thinking that I'm saving it just because Matthew appears in the picture. Maybe you're thinking that... I don't even know what are you thinking, but I wanna clarify that I only save it because I've never taken a good picture until that day".

"Okay, Dominic, okay. Now... Can we please talk about the Chris's matter? I had to bear with your moans and weird sounds for like an hour. I deserve it, don't you think?".

"Okay, I'll try to help you".

In brief, I helped her to accept that she was in love with Chris. When she realized, she almost cries. And I didn't know if she was going to cry of happiness or sadness. When she left, she smiled at me and said:

"I hope we can be friends".

"Kelly, we are friends", I said, smiling. She laughed, said "thank you" and left.

The rest of the afternoon, I watched reality shows and ate ice cream. When my mum returned home, I talked with her for a while but then I went to my bedroom. I turned on my laptop and I proceeded to save Matthew's picture on my computer. If Kelly had seen it, and she wasn't my friend at that time, Chris could see it too. And he... He would kill me. He would tell me "We are bullies. He's our victim. We don't take pictures to our victims, we make them cry".  
And...  
I didn't want to make Matthew cry.  
What?

***

"For lord's sake, Dominic, get up! You're running late to school!", my mom screamed at me, turning on the light. I covered myself with the bed sheet and did a complaining noise. She sighed and took me off the bed sheet.

"Enough, Dominic. For once in your life, follow orders".

I sighed and I got up. I looked at her angrily, I took my towel and I took a shower. Then I got dressed with the awful school's uniform, I took my backpack and went downstairs. My mum had served me my breakfast. I ate it completely, I brushed my teeth, said goodbye to her and began to walk to the bus stop. When it arrived, I entered it and I searched for an empty place next to someone I liked. But I had to seat alone. Eh, it was okay. I put on my earphones and I played one of my favorite songs.

We were about to go, when I heard some "Stop!" screams from the bus stop. The bus driver stopped, and two people entered to the bus. Paul and Matthew. The first one seated next to one of his friends, and Matthew kept standing there, looking awkward and lonely. I sighed and I raised my hand, trying to catch his attention. He looked at me and began to walk towards me. In that moment, I thanked god for letting Chris have a car. Matthew seated down next to me and greeted me.

"Morning".

"Morning", I answered, obviously.

"How was your weekend?".

"I don't wanna talk. I just wanna listen to the bloody song in peace, is it too difficult?".

"Wow, I'm sorry", he mumbled and looked down.

Did I feel guilty? Not. At. All. The rest of the journey, he didn't talk to me, thanks god. When we arrived, I took out my earphones and I looked at him. He was putting some things on his backpack.

"What are you doing?".

"It's not of your business, Dominic. Leave me alone".

"Don't talk to me like that".

"I talk to you as I want".

"What did you say?", I screamed at him. We were in front of the school's main entrance, and everybody was looking at us. Well, not everybody, but a good part of the school's population was definitely looking at us. Matthew looked around and said quietly:

"Can we talk later? I...".

"You what, fucking bastard? Are you nervous because I'm about to beat you up or because all this people will watch you cry?".

Some of the viewers laughed when I said that. Matthew grabbed his backpack and fixed his glance on the floor.

"Why are you doing this?", he asked me with a low tune.

"Because I'm a bully, that's why I'm doing this, you don't have to ask it to me like a secret!", I screamed.

Matthew nodded slightly and tried to enter to the building, but I grabbed him by his backpack.

"Let me go!", he demanded.

"I don't take your orders".

And I swear I was about to beat him, when a teacher came and made me release him. Then she took me to the director's office. And, summarizing, he told me that I couldn't be bullying people. That was against the school's politics. He told me that the next time I did that I was going to get expelled for a week. Then I went to class.

Kelly was the only one who actually cared about my visit to the director's office. As she lived near school, she didn't have to take the school bus, so she hadn't realized what had happened with Matthew. We were in the kid's zone, kinda invading it, talking. She was seated in one of the swings, while I was pushing it behind her.

"And how did you feel?", she asked, looking at the sky and narrowing her eyes.

"I don't know. You know I'm a bully, I like to do that but... Today... I don't know. While I was threatening him I didn't feel dominant nor bigger than him. Indeed, I felt like if I was doing the worst things ever to a human being".

"Really? Wow, that seems almost impossible for a bully".

"You're right. Kelly, I don't know. I think... I think I shouldn't have done that. Maybe it was wrong".

Kelly shrugged and we kept talking about random things. She was pretty nice actually, more than just a whore. She was interesting, funny, adorable and cool. But she just wasn't my type. She was... Hmm, well, not perfect for Chris but, as he said, they could change. I said goodbye to her and I went back to my house, humming a song.

And, when I looked to the right side, I saw Matthew sitting on the bench in which I had taken the photo. He didn't look blissful. He looked a little blue. I sighed and I tried to ignore him, but I couldn't. I had to approach him and stand in front of him, without looking threatening and wait for him to notice me, which was quick. He was reading a book and listening to music, as that Saturday. When he looked up and saw me, his expression changed a lot. He closed the book, took his things and tried to stand up.

"Chill down, I'm not gonna beat you up or something. Can I sit?".

"I-if you want. I have to go anyways".

"Wait. I wanted to talk with you", I said and I seated next to him.

"Really? Well, just... Don't kill me after doing it, please".

"I'm not gonna do it", I said and smiled.

"Okay... What do you wanna talk about?", Matthew asked, but he looked nervous.

"Look, Matthew, I wanted to... Uh, I wanted to...".

"To...?", he said, but he still was serious.

"I wanted to apologize with you for have being such a jerk. You hadn't done anything to me, you just wanted to talk, and I exploded like a diva. I'm so stupid, can you please forgive me?".

"Wait... Are you apologizing with me? Are you okay?".

"Yes, Matthew, I am okay. That's why I'm doing it. But, if you want, we can forget all this scene and act as this never happened".

He looked at me, perplexed. Then he moved his blue-eyed glance to the left, thinking of something. I just looked at him, waiting impatiently for an answer. After a couple of minutes, in which he hummed for a while and let his things next to me, he looked at me:

"I forgive you. I'm sorry I answered like t-".

"Matthew, it wasn't your fault at all. It was all mine. You don't have to apologize, okay?".

He smiled, and it was one of the cutest smiles that I'd ever seen. It matched his blue eyes a lot. We stayed there, talking about many things. It hadn't been like when I talked with Kelly in the kids' zone, it had been different. It had been...

"Shut the fuck up, Dominic, you're not like that, okay?".

Anyways, I returned home, thinking of my weird day. When I unlocked the door and entered, it surprised me that the alarm hadn't sounded. That was weird, since my mum always turned on the alarm when she left. Hmm, maybe she had forgotten it that time. I closed the door and I walked towards the living room, looking to the floor. It had a great pattern, don't mock me!

"Hello, Dominic!", I heard a female voice screaming when I entered the living room. What the...? Oh, god, it was Nicole!

My eyes almost filled up with tears when I saw her, standing there, looking as cute as she had always been. Her blonde hair was similar to mine, at least in color. Her hair was long and soft. She was wearing a pair of white trousers, a black shirt that said "Tear down the wall!" and a pair of black ballerinas. I could see her beautiful grey eyes through her black glasses. She ran to me when she saw me and gave me a big hug. I almost started crying in her shoulder.  
My sister Nicole was finally by my side.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dominic realizes many things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I took so long updating this, I've been so busy lately, so has my friend been, and we both haven't had time to write. But anyway, I really hope y'all like this chapter as much as my friend did writing it and as much as I did reading it for the first time. Any kind of feedback is well received.

"Dominic, you're so damn handsome, my god! How did you become this attractive?", she said.

"Didn't I tell you? I've always been handsome! Now, the real thing... Where did you learn how to dress properly? Where are all your pink and purple shirts and trousers?".

"I still have some of them. You know, I'm not the same girl that went to the university a year ago".

"Nicky, I'll always be happy with who you are, as long as you feel good with yourself".

"You're the best brother ever", Nicole said and hugged me even tighter. "Now, the real deal... What the hell did you do at school? Someone called home and I answered. They said they would expel you if you did 'it' again. What did you do?".

I sighed. I had to tell my sister everything. Obviously, I wouldn't tell her everything about Matthew. Just what had happened. Nicole listened to me quietly, without saying any word until I finished. Having done that, she just put her hair into a ponytail and looked at me with a big smile.

"I just have one thing to ask you, Dominic. Who is Matthew?".

"Didn't I tell you?", I asked back, a bit annoyed.

"No. You just said 'And when Matthew...', but you just said his name, not who he was".

I sighed. Okay, maybe I had assumed that she knew Matthew by default. 

"Matthew is our new neighbor since like two or three months. His mother is our mum's friend".

"Really? And do you like him... As a person?".

"Eh, just a little bit. He's too shy for me sometimes and that kinda annoys me. But he's nice in general".

Nicole and I talked the rest of the day. When my mom arrived and saw her sitting in one of our chairs, drinking some tea; she almost cries. My mom ran to her faster than ever, and I thought she was going to cry right there. Nicole was pretty calm, although her voice broke when she was saying how much she had missed us. 

My sister had to sleep in the couch, since my mom had transformed her bedroom into a storage room. Nicole was pretty upset when she realized that but, at the end, she accepted the couch. I asked her how long she was going to stay with us, and said "A few days, Dominic. Maybe a week".  
Which was fantastic. 

***

Let me tell you one thing: Living with Nicole again was amazing, but I hadn't taken one of my whores home for days. I was starting to get really bored, so I had to resort to... Well, you know. Which was pretty uncomfortable, because she was at home most of the time. Also, I hadn't spied Paul and his girlfriend for days as well, so things were a bit boring at my house.

Matthew and I hadn't talked since that day when I apologized to him. I was pretty embarrassed to do that so I think I was waiting for him to talk to me, which was never going to happen since he was too shy to do it. Chris and Kelly talked a lot. They had lunch together, stayed on a bench, just talking... And she and I were becoming good friends. When she wasn't with Chris, Kelly and I went to a cafe and talked about Chris. And we hadn't made it out! You know, she was crazy for Chris.  
Anyway.

Having finished my breakfast, and being two minutes late for school, Nicole gave me some money and said goodbye to me. I answered her, took my backpack and I left the house. 

I took the school bus and I searched for an available seat, but all of them were taken. Well, except for the one next to Matthew, who was waving his hand at me and pointing the available seat next to him. I sighed and I began to walk towards him. He was looking at me with a slight smile. 

"Hello, Dominic", he greeted me.

"Hi".

"How has been everything?", Matthew asked me, with his smile still on his lips.

"Pretty well. My sister just came home for a while".

"That's nice, I didn't know you had a sister".

"Yes, an older sister".

"Cool".

Okay, maybe that hadn't been the deepest conversation ever but, you know what? After that conversation I felt unaccountably happy all day. Even when I returned home, left my backpack near my desk and checked how much homework did I have to do, which was loads. I still had that stupid smile on my lips. Even Nicole noticed it, and asked me before dinner:

"Dominic, are you okay?".

"Of course I am. Why?".

"I don't know. You look... Different".

"Different?"

"Happier? I don't know. But... Not as angry as you usually are".

I snorted and kept eating my food. She just sighed and did the same. My mom seated between us and we started talking about random things. And that was our special dinner. Then, after brushing my teeth and washing my face, I went upstairs, locked in my bedroom and checked my messages. I had one from one of my whores, two from Kelly, four from Chris and... One from Matthew. I gasped and I almost fell from my bed. It had been sent two hours ago. I took a deep breath and I opened Matthew's chat window.

"Hey Dominic, sorry for bothering you via Messenger, but I was wondering if you could send me some photos of the topic we saw today at chemistry. Thank you and good night".

I think I re-read that message a billion times before answering with a:

"Hold on for a sec, I'll take the pics".

I took them and proceeded to send them to him. And my heart almost stopped when I saw his icon lowering (Signal that he had seen the pictures), and I think it stopped completely when I saw him typing for the first time.

"Thank you".

Two words. Two fucking words, but... Remember my idiotic smile? Well, those two words were enough for me to keep that smile until I went to bed. 

But, before going to bed with my idiotic smile, I spent almost half an hour looking at his profile. He seemed like he had had a great life before moving here. When I went back to our chat window, I saw he was online. And I even thought on writing him something chill like "Heya" or "What's up?". But that didn't happen. 

The next day I took the longest bath of my life, I dressed up decently and I did my hair the best I could. When I went downstairs, even Nicole got surprised.

"Dominic? Is that you?".

"Um, yes... Why?".

"Nothing, nothing".

I took my backpack and, as always, I took the school bus. This time I sat next to a guy called Fred because the seat next to Matthew was taken. But he didn't look comfortable at all, which made me laugh all the way to school.

Maths, history, literature, Spanish... Chemistry. Professor Bekeley gave us a sheet of paper full of alkenes exercises. I looked at Chris without understanding, but he just smirked. Motherfucking bastard, it wasn't a problem for him since he was really good at chemistry. Therefore, I was pretty bad at them.

"Students, you will have to solve this exercises' sheet in pairs that I have already made. You can check the person you'll work with in this roster right here".

People, as always, began to complain. They always want to work with their friends but they never realize that's not how jobs work. Anyway, I got up from my seat and checked my pair. I almost screamed, it was Chris. I ran to him, told him the good news and we almost jump like little children. We sat together and began with the sheet. But then I looked at professor, and I saw Matthew talking to him. I didn't know why. Then I looked at his seat. And nobody was next to him.

Sneaking up, I checked the roster again. Matthew was meant to work with Kelly, but she hadn't gone to school. I sighed. I looked at Chris, who was solving the sheet with a smile on his face, then looked at Matthew again and finally I took a decision.

"Mate, look, I'll... I'll work with Matthew. He's good at chemistry, you know, and I'd like to see if I understand him when he explains me. It's just for convenience. Also... When Kelly comes back, you will work with her".

Chris had looked at me like he was about to beat me up but, when I mentioned Kelly, his angry face faded away. He smiled like a romantic dude and giggled.

"Okay, you can go with him".

Chris in love was a very different Chris. I took my exercises' sheet and I told professor Bekeley about the change. He seemed to be okay with that so I took the seat next to Matthew. He saw me, perplexed, and asked me:

"What are you doing here?".

"Are you good at chemistry?", I asked him.

"No".

"Damn, then I risked everything for nothing", I whispered, and I think he didn't hear.

"Dominic, what are you doing here", he asked again. "Chris is amazing at chemistry and you had the honor to work with him".

"Kelly was your pair, right? Well, turns out that he wants to work with her, and he sent me here", I lied.

"Oh, really? Well, guess we both will have to help each other with these thirty organic chemistry exercises".

"Guess we'll have to do it", I said. 

He laughed and we began. Let me tell you: Alkanes are easy to name according to the position, since you only care about the longest chain and some other things, but alkenes... Goddammit, that was confusing as hell. The double link was only there to cause trouble. And don't make me talk about mixed chains. That was Satan himself punishing us. At the end of the class, Matthew and I had just made three of thirty. Chris had finished them all. 

"So, let me ask you something, Dominic... You actually left Chris for Matthew?", Kelly asked me. We were at the ice cream factory, eating both of us a big banana split. She told me after school that she had missed school because she had a medical appointment.

"Yes. But, hey, I did it for you both! Come on, 'Chris and Kelly, best pairing ever'".

"Did you really do it for us?".

"Come on, Kelly, why would I had done it then?".

"Because of... Never mind, forget it".

"No, I won't forget it now. Kelly Adams, I want you to look me in the eye and say what you want me to forget".

She swallowed, kinda nervous. She took another tablespoon of her ice cream and looked apart.

"Kelly, please tell me. We are friends, aren't we?".

"Have you ever thought that, maybe you are kind with Matthew because you like him? And not in a romantically way, I mean that you like him as a person. Since you two talked at Paul's party, your bullying towards him decreased. You sit together at the school bus, you even refused to work with your best friend for him, and you even have a picture of him on your phone! I don't know, Dominic, I'm not saying that that's love, but at least is not hate".

I looked at her, evaluating what she had said, word by word. And, at the end, it was the thing with most sense ever. I liked Matthew as a person. But,   
obviously, I wasn't going to admit that.

"What the...? That's not true! I thought he was good at chemistry, that's why I left Chris! And, since I don't understand Chris's explanations, I thought Matthew's ones would be better! You're crazy!".

"Chill out, Dominic, it was just a thought!", she yelled before leaving the store. 

Okay, maybe I had been a bit rude with her. I finished my banana split and I went back to my house. As I walked towards it, I started to think of all the times Matthew and I had talked. And I realized that, most of the time, I acted like a clumsy dude. And it was a hell of an attitude. Anyway, I kept walking but, when I was approaching my house, I saw Paul and his girlfriend, having a strong argument.

"You know what, son of a bitch? I don't wanna see you in my fucking life anymore! It's over!", the girl shouted and threw him something, but I didn't see what.

"How did you call me, Monica? Son of a bitch? I'll show you what a son of a bitch is!", Paul yelled and approached her violently.

"If you dare to touch me you'll be in serious problems, Paul!".

"I don't care, bitch".

"You called me a bitch?".

"Hey, what the hell is happening here", I said, appearing in the scene. Paul and Monica looked at me, without understanding why I was there.

"None of your business, kid".

"Could one of you please explain me what happened? You see, your relationship was like my soap opera, and I don't want it to end".

They both looked at each other with a confused glance. It was okay for me, at least they weren't calling each other "bitch" or "son of a bitch". Monica took a deep breath, looked at Paul almost wanting to murder him in front of me and explained me.

"This fucker slept with three different girls while he was dating me! How disgusting is that!".

"Come on, we never made it out!", Paul shouted.

"Oi, mate, chill down. Listen to me, I don't wanna choose a side but, this time, I think she's right in being mad. Come on, three girls? Whoa, better you have done it with them with protection. Look, I don't understand you. Maybe this girl right here was your zing or something, and you just wasted your opportunity with her. If you find someone special, you will protect them, make them know you care, be there for them. You feel something for this girl?".

Paul looked her in the eyes, smirked and just said one word. 

"No".

Then he walked away. And Monica stood there, looking him walk away from her. Being Paul gone, she broke in tears.

"I was such a fool... What's your name, though? I even don't know your name and I'm here crying for that ass in front of you".

"I'm Dominic, nice to meet you, Monica".

She wept the tears on her face and tried to smile. She was a pretty girl. Blue eyes, blonde hair, freckles over her nose and cheekbones. I took her into the nearest store, which resulted to be a smoothies' one. She sat down in one of the seats in front of the bar and ordered a smoothie, and I went to the bathroom. When I returned to the store, I saw her talking with someone. At the beginning I didn't recognize the person, but when I came closer, I saw it was Kelly.

"Dominic! I want to introduce you to Kelly, she's...".

"I do know her".

"But I bet you didn't know Monica and I are sisters", Kelly said, almost laughing. 

"What the hell?!", I shouted. And I meant it! The possibility of Kelly being the sister of Monica never came across my mind. They both laughed and seated in a table. I did the same and we started to talk. It was fine for a while, until Kelly noticed Monica's red eyes and asked about that. Then, Monica and I had to explain her everything. 

"W-wait. Paul Bellamy? Bellamy? Like, you know, Matthew?", she interrupted us.

"Yes. Paul is Matthew's older brother".

"Wow".

We stayed there for like thirty minutes, until the beautiful Adams sisters decided to go. I said goodbye to them and, just when they were leaving, Monica approached me and told me something. 

"Thank you, Dominic. By the way, the person who has your heart is lucky".

"Why?".

"Don't you remember all that you said to Paul? I'm sure you're there, you care and you protect that person".

"I'm single".

"Well, you'll be a great boyfriend then", she said, and she walked away.

I went back to my house, when I found Nicole packing. She had to go in a couple of days, and she was devastated. I helped her packing and, when our mom returned from work, we all had dinner. I did my night routine and I went to my room. I checked my notifications, and I saw Monica had sent me a friend request. I accepted it immediately and then I checked Messenger. I had no messages, for the first time in my life. That was a relief. Well, kinda. But never mind. I locked my phone, put in on my nightstand and I went to sleep.

What a weird day I had had.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess this is an ambiguous case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you like this chapter as much as my friend did writing it and as much as I did it the first time I read it! Any feedback is well received!

Thanks to Matthew I had got great grades in history and biology. Yet, thanks to Matthew, I had failed organic chemistry as well. We were really bad at it. We also studied other subjects together, like Spanish, maths or English. We were getting along, and that was nice. But that didn't change the fact that I was still a bully. Matthew just wasn't my main victim anymore.

So we were in Maths class, watching some interesting and kinda boring trigonometry, when professor James assigned us a homework with a due date of two weeks. They were approximately forty exercises, some of them included topics that we hadn't seen yet. I put away the sheet and looked at Kelly, who was falling asleep a few seats in front of me. I smiled at her back and looked at my notebook again. She and Chris had a date that day after classes. That was going to be their first date ever, and both of them were nervous as hell.

Anyway, the bell rang and we all left the classroom. When I was leaving, I bumped with someone, who resulted to be Matthew. I smiled at him but then I changed my expression.

"What's up?", I said.

"Oh, nothing. I just... Did professor James give you the exercises sheet today?", he asked, looking at the floor.

"Yes, he did. Why?".

"I was, uh... Well, I was wondering if you... I-if we... If we could solve it together", Matthew said swiftly, although I had understood.

"Yes. I mean, of course. Would you like to begin today? We can do, at least, ten of forty exercises".

"Sounds good".

"Yeah. Your house or my house?".

"Anywhere is okay".

"My house then. At four?".

"Okay".

"Cool. See you there, then".

"I'll be there".

He smiled at me and walked away. I smiled too and went to the cafeteria for something to eat. I bought some cookies and I seated down next to Chris and another block and we started to talk. We talked about boring things most of the time, although Kelly and her friends seated a few tables behind us and Chris watched her sometimes. He was so in love with her it was ridiculous.

"Hey, dude, Chris says your contacts list is full of good whores. Can you give me some good recommendations?", the dude said.

"I'd like to do it, but they're kinda exclusive. Hmm... Maybe Allison. I'll pass you her phone number", I answered.

"Fantastic. Thanks, mate".

We kept talking, joking and stuff; until the bell rang again. Chris and the dude had history together, I had English. Chris said goodbye to me and ran directly to Kelly. The guy laughed and then looked at me.

"See you soon, Dominic, I have to go to class".

"Wait!", I shouted. He turned around. "What's your name, by the way? I feel bad because you know my name and I don't know yours".

"I'm Tom", he said.

"Tom, pleasure", I replied.

He waved his hand and ran towards the classroom. I did the same and, just when Ms Jenner was checking something, I ran to my seat. The teacher never realized I entered the classroom without her permission. But anyway, we had the class, which was boring as hell.

After three more classes, finally the day ended. I said goodbye to some of my classmates and I returned home with Chris, who talked about his date with Kelly the whole way to my house. We had lunch together but just when we were talking about school shit and stuff like that he stood up and ran towards the bathroom.

"Mate, what happened? You okay?", I asked him from the door.

"Look at the hour! My date with Kelly is at 3!", he shouted with his mouth full of toothpaste foam.

"Oh, yeah, your date. But, mate, you're littering the mirror! My mum will kill me if she sees toothpaste foam in that mirror".

"Then clean it when I'm gone. This is not my house after all".

I sighed. Sometimes Chris was a nuisance more than a help. He closed the door and continued brushing his teeth. He ran to my room, where he took a bit of all the products I used for my hair and put them on his, combed his hair with my special comb and even cleaned his face with my face towel. Then he said goodbye to me and I saw him leaving my house from my window. I threw myself in my bed and I stared at the roof for about two minutes, thinking. How come Chris had a date and not me? He had always been just a bully, never the attractive one. How could someone like Kelly like him?

***

I woke up an hour later, and the first thing I heard was the doorbell. I looked through the window and I saw Matthew, ringing the bell once again. Shit, I had completely forgotten our studying appointment! I put on my shoes quickly, cleaned my eyes and ran towards the door. I fell on the stairs while I was going down the stairs so, when I opened the door, the first thing Matthew said wasn't "hi".

"What the hell happened to you?".

My face surely reflected the purest pain.

"I fell on the stairs. Not a big deal".

"You okay?".

"Yes, better than ever. I'm sorry for taking so long, though, I forgot about our appointment and I fell asleep".

"No problem", Matthew said and smiled, which made me smile as well.

"Come in", I said and he followed me. I closed the door and I saw him looking around my house.

"Looks comfortable", he mentioned.

"It is. I'm sorry for the mess".

"Don't worry. So, are we going to start or...?".

"Yes. Just let me bring my books and we can start".

Matthew nodded and I went upstairs for my books. I looked through the window but, unfortunately, I didn't see Monica and Paul. They had definitely broken up. But that was right, because he was a dick. I went back to the living room and we both started. Law of sines was a joke. Everything was so shockingly easy, that we almost screamed when we saw number 12's answer and it wasn't ours.

"But... What in the hell is wrong with this exercise? We did the exact process, why isn't this the answer?", Matthew said, at the edge of hysteria.

"Calm down, Matt, let's check it out again to see if there's something wrong", I said, looking at the exercise.

"What did you say?", he asked abruptly. I saw him without understanding. "You called me Matt. You always call me Matthew".  
Then he smiled.  
And I nearly collapsed.

I smiled, and I swear I almost began to giggle. But, thanks God I remembered I never did that. I stared directly at his Cornflower eyes, and I was about to say something when the bell rang. He looked at the door.

"Your mum?".

"No, she arrives at eight", I answered him as I stood up and walked to the door. I opened it and saw Monica.

"Hello, Dominic! I just wanted to ask you if you had seen Kelly today. You see, I'm calling her and she doesn't answer".

"She's on a date".

"On a date? How come she didn't tell me? With who?".

"Chris, a friend of mine".

"Damn, and I forgot the keys in my room. May I enter?".

"Sure, come in".

Monica smiled and I let her in.

"Dominic, I think I found the problem with the exercise", I heard Matthew from the living room.

"Who's with you?", Monica asked.

"Just a friend".

We both entered the living room, and Matthew and Monica noticed each other's presence almost at the same time. I sighed.

"Monica, he's Matthew. Matthew, she's Monica. Maybe you both didn't know it, but you had someone in common. Yep, Paul. Monica, he's your ex's little brother and, well, she was your brother's girlfriend, Matthew".

They looked at each other without understanding. Then, Monica smiled at him.

"Monica, pleasure".

"I'm Matthew".

"Paul told me he had a younger brother, but he never introduced me to you".

"I'm not important to him, don't worry".

Monica laughed and we all seated on the couch. She looked at the books and papers we had over the table. She took the paper with the exercise we were doing and examinated it for a while. She looked for the answer on the book, reviewed the exercise one more time and then checked Matthew's notebook.

"You said you had found the mistake in this exercise, Matthew. What was it?".

"This is an ambiguous case of a triangle solution. This triangle has, in fact, two different possible solutions", Matthew said.

"Yes, you are right! You have to search for the other possible angle, then solve this", Monica wrote something on his notebook, "to see if it's a solution. I think this book only put one of the two solutions".

Matthew smiled at her and proceeded to solve it again. Then he checked the answer and he almost screams of joy. He was right, we had forgotten about the goddamn ambiguous case. Monica smiled in pride, and I... I looked at her angrily, but I didn't let her notice it. I didn't even know why I was angry with her, but I was. And the rest of the afternoon I avoided talking to her. We solved twenty of forty exercises, which was amazing, except for the fact Monica did almost all of them with Matthew. I was the one they occasionally asked.

When Monica finally left, Matthew and I stayed at the living room for a bit more. We talked about school stuff but then he left as well. I said goodbye to him and I watched him cross the street on his way to his house. I closed the door and went upstairs. I took off my trousers and the first thing I saw was a giant bruise on my right knee. It shocked me so much I took a photo, sent it to Nicole and asked her what I should do. She answered me a few minutes later, with a "draw stars on it with a white marker". I almost threw my phone. Then I looked closely to it, reflectioned for a while and I realized she had said that because of the colors my bruise had. It looked like a galaxy. I laughed and aplogized for the message I had sent her before, which contained a lot of "f words".

I ended up trying to draw stars over my bruise. But it hurt like hell so it was difficult. It was so pink in the center and purple on the edges, it was weird. The first star I drew had begun its journey like a perfect one, but as soon as I moved the marker and it hurt me like ten thousand nutshots, it turned into a horrible one.

Having finished my drawing, I took a photo of it and I sent it to Nicole. She answered me with laughing emoticons and a sincere "you're welcome". I smiled. Damn I missed my sister so much I almost hated myself for complaining of having her living with me.

When my mum arrived I told her I had fallen from the stairs. Yet, I didn't told her about my studying appointment with Matthew. I didn't know why. She looked pretty worried so she practically urged me to show her my bruise, which I did. She almost laughed when she saw my bruise, covered with white stars.

"You listen to your sister way too much", she said.

After having diner, I went to my room, turned on my computer and browsed through my images. Most of them were nudes that my whores had sent me but, after browsing among them, I found the picture I wanted. The photography of Matthew I had taken. I still could feel the bliss he felt when I took the picture. I noticed Kelly was right, the photo was kinda blurry. But I didn't care. I still considered it as the best picture I had taken.

I created a new folder on my computer, moved all the pictures that weren't nudes there and, having finished that, I proceeded to do one of the most difficult things I had done in my life. I deleted the folder with the nudes. Then, I opened the recycle bin and deleted it again. After doing that, I sighed. I turned off the laptop and threw myself on my bed.

As soon as I closed my eyes, the first thing that appeared in my mind was Matthew. He and his Cornflower eyes. I smiled as I remembered how happy he had sounded when I called him Matt.

But then, I opened up my eyes again. What was I thinking?  
Matthew wasn't even my friend.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right thoughts, right words, right action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long, also for the lenght of the chapter, but I hope y'all like it! Any kind of feedback is well received.

One month after Chris and Kelly's first date, I never thought I'd find myself giving Chris some advice of how to ask Kelly if she wanted to be his girlfriend. I never thought of that. Because I actually never thought that was going to work. But, well, apparently it had worked, and in that moment I had Chris seated in the couch in front of me, eating a big bowl of real cocoa cereal and listening to all the bullshit I was telling him.

"Listen, mate, this is easy. You know she likes you, she knows you like her. Now you just have to be romantic, buy her something, and tell her how you feel. Remember to be romantic. I'm more than sure she'll say 'yes'".

"Dude, you're amazing. Thank you. Now... What should I buy her?".

I sighed. This was going to be long.

After talking with my best friend for almost an hour, he finally got up from the couch and sighed.

"Maybe you're right. You know what? I'll do it. I'll ask her today. Because, mate, today is the day, I feel it."

"Great. Tell me how it goes, I'll be here all day."

Chris walked to the door but, before opening it, he stopped.

"Dominic... Why don't you look for a date or something? You've been pretty alone these days. Or why don't you call one of your whores and, you know..."

"It sounds like a great idea, Chris, seriously. But, actually... I don't know, I don't want to be in a relationship."

"Really? Well, at least you should call Tom. I don't like you being this alone all the time."

"You care too much, you seem like my mother."

"Your mother would never had told you to bring a whore," Chris said before laughing.

"Well, you're right," I laughed too. "Now go, mate, and tell me the good news."

"I'll do it," he said and then he proceeded to leave my house. I put on the alarm again and went to my room. I thew myself in my bed and looked at the roof. Maybe Chris was right, maybe I spent too much time alone. But, what else could I do? My best friend was deeply in love with a girl who was my whore before all that shit; I didn't have plenty of friends and I was kinda bored of my whores. So I only could stay in my house all day, all night, living like a hermit.

I opened Messenger. Maybe I could chat with someone for a while. But every single one of my friends was busy. Except for Matthew. He was online.

Well, Matthew wasn't exactly my friend. Yet, we were getting along, and I didn't hate him anymore. He was cool, kinda weird, and funny as shit. I sighed and opened his chat head. I saw the last time we had talked was when he asked me for pictures of the Chemistry topic. I took a deep breath and typed a casual "Heya". I stopped there, I read that simple world like a billion times and I thought for years if send it or not. But, finally, I closed my eyes and pressed "send". Then, I threw my phone away from me.

"What the hell, Howard? Why did you do that, you stupid asshat?", my mind began to ask me.

"Because I am stup—", I began to shout, but the notification sound stopped me. I took my phone and turned on the lockscreen. I had a Messenger notification.

I was one hundred percent sure that message was from Matthew, but I was too nervous to open it. I unlocked my phone and, effectively, Matthew's chat head was on my screen, waiting for me to open it. I locked it again, threw it on my bed and ran downstairs. Then I realized I was acting in a ridiculous way. As if my phone was a bomb. It was just a message from a guy, maybe just answering to my stupid "heya".

So I made a decision. After putting some Nutella on two toasted slices of bread, I took my phone and opened Matthew's chat window.

"Hey, Dominic. What's up?"

Four words. Four fucking words, and it was enough to make me blush in an exaggerated way. But, exactly, why? Why had I blushed? I could feel my cheeks burning. I took a deep breath before closing the app and finishing my bread slices. Which was quickly, 'cause I had seen the message and, if Matthew saw that I had left him on seen, when I had been the one who started the conversation, I'd get in big trouble. Not trouble with him, though, but with myself.

So I opened up the app again, inhaled calmly and typed a casual "Nothing much. You?". I considered erasing it but, at the end, I sent it. I left my phone on my bed and looked at the roof. Three minutes later, a Messenger notification sounded. It was from Matthew, obviously. I sighed and opened his chat head.

"Same. Just laying on my bed, thinking."

"Thinking of what?", I asked. Just when I had pressed "send", I realized it had been the most intrusive question I had ever asked him. What if he didn't answer me, just because I had asked him a personal question? Like, one does not simply say what he or she is thinking. What if he was thinking about his crush? Or familiar problems? Or personal? Or...

Ping. Notification.

I opened the chat head as fast as I could. So fast that I didn't notice that that chat head wasn't Matthew's. It was Nicole's chat head, asking me to look for one of her shirts. The thing is that I had already typed the asnwer and, when I realized that it wasn't him, I had already sent it. Basically, I had apologized to my sister for being such an intrusive rubbish can.

"Dominic, are you okay? Why are you an intrusive... Rubbish can?", Nicole answered, kinda worried I think.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I hit my face with my hand before apologizing to her for apologizing. What an stupid rubbish can I was.

"Sorry, Nicky, I was talking with someone and I accidentally said something wrong. I'll search for your shirt, don't worry."

"Okay. Love ya, write me when you find it, okay?"

"I'll do it."

Then, another chat head appeared. And, this time, it was Matthew's. I took a deep breath before opening the message.

"About my life... About everything, actually. I'm pretty bored."

Thanks God he wasn't thinking of something personal. I mean, his life's personal but, yeah, it wasn't something like "about my parent's problems". I typed another message.

"I'm bored too, don't worry. What are you doing?"

This time, he answered quickly.

"Nothing. Although I have to clean the kitchen. You?"

"I'm looking for a shirt my sister left here when she came."

"Oh, nice."

Oh, no; short answer. I had to think of something, or else I had to look for another thing to do.

"Well, do you want to go to the park? Because, yeah, I found the shirt."

I pressed "send". And, some seconds later, I realized what I had done. I had asked him to go out with me. With a guy that he barely knew! I was, definitely, the stupidest person on Earth. So I prepared myself for the rejection. When the notification sounded, my expectations were low.

"Sure, sounds like a good idea."

What. the. hell? I got up from my bed and typed a message while I was looking for my shoes.

"Cool, I'll be in a bench in front of my house."

"I'll go there then. See you."

"See you."

I got dressed really quickly, I combed my hair and I ever brushed my teeth. When I was buttoning my shirt, I thought I was exaggerating. Come on, I was just going to hang out with a friend, not with the Queen. So I took off that shirt and put on a casual one. Finally, I took my phone and my keys and I left the house. I seated on the bench and I waited patiently for Matthew to arrive.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look what you've done, boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not uploading during the last four months, I went through a lot of things that, at the end, didn't let me upload. But, here's the chapter, I hope you all like it! Remember that any kind of feedback is well received!

So there I was, sitting on a bench, waiting for Matthew to appear. At the end, I had chosen to wear a casual black T-shirt instead of the shirt with buttons I was willing to wear. Just to see Matthew. How ridiculous.

You will say I'm exaggerating but, after three minutes seated there, waiting for him, I truly believed he wasn't going to appear.

"Come on, Dom. You bullied him for months. Do you think he will spend the afternoon with you? Wow, you're so stu—"

My thoughts were immediately interrupted, because I saw Matthew walking towards the bench. He looked pretty nice, he was wearing a white T-shirt, black trousers and white shoes. And his hair looked good. I smiled at him and he did the same, which made me feel strangely happy. When he stood in front of me, looking at me without saying anything, I realized that was real. I was going to do something with him. Maybe just talk, but with him.

"Take a seat, if you want," I said, moving my body to the left so he could seat. He did it and, for the next minute, nobody said a word. I could feel his presence next to me, and that made me feel weird. Not uncomfortable, but... Different. A sensation I hadn't felt before, that nobody, even my whores, had caused on me. Nor another boy. Just him, and that drove me crazy.

"So, how are you?" Matthew asked. The sound of his voice interrupted my thoughts for a moment.

"I'm, um, I'm fine. How about you? Did you clean the kitchen at the end?"

"I'm fine too and no, I didn't. My mum will get mad at me, but I already accepted it," he said, looking at the sky. It was almost 5 pm, and the clouds looked like if they were painted with watercolours. I looked at him and, goddammit, that light favored him. If I wasn't seated next to him, I would had taken him a photo again. Every single of his facial features looked great. His sharp cheekbones, or his jawline, for example. Even his lashes looked like an artwork.

"What are you looking at?" He asked suddenly. I looked away, completely embarrassed and with my cheeks burning. How come I was so stupid?

"Um, nothing, nothing... I'm sorry."

"And the award, for being the stupidest person on Earth, goes to... Dominic James Howard!", my mind shouted.

"Are you okay, Dominic?" Matthew asked, and I couldn't answer him because I was thinking about how he had pronounced my name. How my name, that many people had pronounced, that every single one of my whores had moaned, and that my parents had shouted in anger; sounded so different on his voice. How it sounded almost poetic when Matthew pronounced it. And how weird I was acting because of that.

"Yeah, I'm okay, don't worry," I finally managed to answer him. He just nodded and pulled out his phone.  
Oh, no.  
Quick, Dominic, think of something.

"Can I ask you something?" Matthew asked suddenly. Oh, shit.

"S-sure," I said. I could feel my hands shaking.

"Why are you so hypocrite?"

I looked at him without understanding a word. Hypocrite? What he was talking about?

"Why do you say that?"

"I don't know who you're lying to, if to your friends, or to me."

"Matt, I don't understand a w-"

"Because, it is supposed that you cannot stand me, that I'm your victim and the one who does your homework. Yet, you're here, seated next to me, calling me Matt and looking at me as if I were something that worth looking at. You say you don't understand, when the reality is that I am the one who doesn't understand. Because you're lying to someone, and that's not fair for anyone."

And he looked again at his phone. I sighed and I covered my face with my hands. Matthew was right, I was lying to someone.  
But, who?

"You're not my victim anymore, Matt."

"Sure. You say this right now, yet tomorrow you'll be pushing me against the lockers just for fun. Tomorrow, you'll be calling me 'fag' along with your friends, laughing at me and probably thinking I'm the stupidest guy you've ever seen, because I always return to you."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. His eyes looked strangely... Broken. He looked at the floor and remained silent.

"Well, if you are so annoyed about it, why do you return to me? Why did you come to this appointment on the first place?"

"I had to clarify this up. And, you know what? Maybe I truly am the stupidest of them all."

Right after saying that, Matthew stood up and began walking, without even saying goodbye. I looked at him walking away, I remembered his words, and I closed my eyes. I felt like the worst person on Earth. And that worried me, because I never felt that way.  
Just with him.

I returned to my house, feeling so blue Adele had never been that displaced. I locked on my room, took my phone and checked my messages. Three of my whores had written me, asking me to go to their houses. I sighed, went to the notes and wrote something.

"Listen, this is over, okay? I don't want you to write me nor talk to me again. And don't reply to this."

Then, I copied the message and sent it to the three of them. When I saw they had read it, I blocked them. Allison, Jamie and Brittany were officially out of my life now. I locked my phone and I thought of what I had done. I had renounced to sex whenever I wanted. I had renounced to pleasure, and the saddest thing is that I didn't know why I had done it. Why had I sent that message in the first place? What was I trying to prove?

The rest of the day is blurry. I can't remember exactly what I did. The only thing I fully remembered was Chris telling me Kelly had accepted his proporsal and now they were dating. When my mum came home, I just bitterly greeted her and went to my bedroom, without even having dinner. I didn't watch TV, nor chatted with nobody, nor did anything. I even went to sleep early, something completely unacceptable for Dominic Howard.

***

"Oh, my gosh. You like Matthew."

Those were Kelly's exact words when I told her my situation. She was at the cafeteria, waiting for her next class to begin. I had escaped from math's class to avoid looking at Matthew every minute. She was drinking a smoothie and eating some cookies, but they didn't seem tasty so I didn't ask for one.

"Kelly, I don't want jokes. This is serious, okay? I blocked three whores! If that isn't weird, then nothing is."

"You're indirectly becoming a better person, and that's all thanks to Matthew. Look at you! You do you homework, your bullying against new kids has decreased, you don't think just about sex anymore... You're a new Dom. You even stopped referring to us all as the 'lumpenproletariat'. And, I think that's amazing. I like this new Dom more than the other one."

"Well, I'm glad you like me now; at least someone likes this weird transformation."

"You don't know if somebody else likes it."

"Who would like it? My mum?"

"No. Matthew. Come on, you've been a different person since the day you met him, you have to accept that you like him!"

I stayed in silence for almost five minutes, just thinking. Did I really like him? Was that possible?  
I started to think about all our moments together and, as it had happened once, I realized that, most of the time, I acted so stupid it was shameful. I closed my eyes, imagining my final response. Then, when I opened them again and they collided with Kelly's blue eyed glance, I spoke.

"You're right, Kelly. I like Matthew."

She stood up and came to hug me. She still smelled like strawberries, it seemed like that odor was persistent on her. Even her hair smelled like that.

"I'm so happy for you, Dom, you don't know how much!"

"Yeah. But, nobody has to know this, okay?"

"Okay. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me," she said and smiled at me. I smiled back and the bell rang.

Kelly took her backpack, said goodbye to me and started walking towards her classroom. I threw away the empty cookie's packaging and walked to my next class as well, which resulted to be another one that I shared with Matthew. Chemistry.

During chemistry, I avoided looking at Matthew as many times as I could. But, actually, it was more difficult that I initially had thought, because Matthew was so damn attractive he dragged my attention to him no matter what I did to ignore him.

His eyes were hypnotic, I knew it. And his voice, the voice of an angel.

"Well, well, well, Dominic. When did you become that romantic?" my mind asked me.

Have you ever felt that, as soon as you accept you have a crush on someone, you become the most romantic shit on Earth? Well, that was exactly what was happening to me in that moment. The thought of Matthew was enough for me to blush. So, I was completely unable to look at him.

When classes finally finished, Tom ran to me and grabbed me by my shoulder. He didn't look friendly at all.

"I saw you talking to Kelly during your Maths class."

"Yeah, we were discussing some important personal shit."

"Hmm... Personal shit referred to Matthew?" And Chris turned around to look at me. He was serious too.  
Oh, no.

"What did he say, Dominic?"

"Chris, um... I was..."

"Summarizing his babbling, he told Kelly he likes Matthew. Can you imagine it?! A bully, in love with his victim!"

"Is that true, Dominic?" Chris asked me, looking at me dead in the eye. Oh, lord, that shit was serious.

"No! Not at all! How can you think I'd like someone like him!" I shouted.

"Come on! As if I hadn't noticed how you behave when we're talking about him or he's nearby. It's obvious you like that little fucker."

"I. Don't. Like. Him!" I shouted, louder than before. My whole squad didn't believe me.

I sighed and I started to walk towards the door, when I heard someone by my side saying something.

"Oh, look. There's the guy who doesn't feel a thing for anyone."

Matthew. I could recognize his voice everywhere. In another moment, Maybe I had laughed, joked with him for a while and keep walking; but that day was different. I had my whole squad right behind me, waiting for me to say or do anything. I could feel my hands cold, turning into fists and my nails digging into my skin.

So, without even thinking it straight, I grabbed Matthew by his black jacket and I slammed him against the lockers. My friends were just watching, without saying a word. Matthew's eyes were full of fear, something I didn't like anymore.

"W-what are you...?"

"Shut the fuck up! Shut, the, fuck, up!" I screamed, and I hit him against the locker with every word I said. He was so terrified I really thought he was going to black out.

"I don't feel a thing for you, okay?" I said, before hitting him one more time and releasing his jacket.

And, I guess Matthew didn't know I was lying at two things in that moment.

The first lie, that that was an original thought.  
The second lie, that I meant it.

Matthew looked down, and I knew he wanted to cry. And I really wanted to comfort him, but my violent side just didn't let me.

"Are you going to cry now... Fag?" I asked, looking at his hurt blue eyes. He just grabbed his backpack and ran towards the bathroom. And I did my best to not to cry in front of my friends. When I turned around to face them, their faces were priceless. Tom and Chris looked terrified, but not as terrified as Matthew was. The other ones were scared.

"Dominic, uh... We were just kidding. If you like Matthew, it's okay; you didn't have to..." Chris began saying.

"Yet, after doing that with him, you still don't believe me when I said I don't like him! Do I have to kill him so you fuckers can finally understand?"

"It wasn't our plan to bully him, or making you do it," Tom said.

"Leave me alone, bunch of pussies."

And they all left the building. I covered my face with my hands, trying to contain the tears that wanted to run through my face. I ran to the bathroom and saw my reflection. I instantly hated myself. I washed my face and, just before leaving the restroom, I heard some soft sobs from one of the stalls.

Matthew was there.  
And I had hurt him.  
And I wanted to apologize.  
But, how?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our love... It's broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Just me, apologizing again for my lack of updating. I promise I'll try to be more active, and I'm sorry for the massive waiting! But yeah, I think we're just five chapters away from the end, so I'll try to post more often! Remember, any kind of feedback is well received! Thank you for supporting this!

I wiped my tears and I took a deep breath. What I was going to do was mindless. The restroom was empty, excepting for me and Matthew, who was crying inside one of the stalls. I approached the only stall that was closed and I leaned against the door. I could hear him so clearly. I looked like a creep, but I didn't give a fuck, as long as I apologized to him.

I tried to clear my throat, but I chose not to do it. I took another deep breath and spoke.

"Are you okay?"

What a stupid question.

Everything was quiet, so I could hear him sigh, sob, even breath. And I thanked God he had run straight to the restroom instead to another place. I heard him inhale heavily, so I prepared myself.

"Leave me alone."

"No, I won't. And, if you don't answer my question, I'll stay here forever and I won't let you go."

"Stop threatening me, for Lord's sake..." And I heard his voice breaking.  
Fuck, I was the biggest idiot on Earth.

"I was joking."

"Then, stop joking with me."

"Matt, please, listen..."

"Don't call me like that! Don't you dare to call me like that ever again!"

I felt a stab in my heart. The memory of him, at the library, allowing me to call him Matt was so fresh on my mind that it had hurt me that, contrasting it with that moment, had hurt me. I closed my eyes, trying to think of anything else.

"Matthew, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I bullied you even when yesterday I said you weren't my victim anymore. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I thought we were friends. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. You are not the stupidest of them all. I am. Matthew, I can... I can seriously harm you if you aren't careful enough. I realized I'm capable of doing you horrible things so... For your own good, please, stay away from me. I promise you I won't try to talk to you ever again, no matter how much pain that provokes me."

Having said that I abandoned the restroom, with my heart in ten billion pieces.

***

Three days later, and it felt like a whole year.  
Matthew was truly the thing that kept my life away from all the bullshit I used to do before.  
Without him, I felt lost.

The next day after realizing I liked him, and bullying him like I had never done before; I had gone straight to my seat without even looking at Chris. We were on History, and I even decided to sit at the other corner of the classroom so I could avoid him. And I did that with the other members of my squad. I was too angry with them I didn't want to see their awful faces for, at least, a whole week.

During the break, I had seen Matthew. He was wearing a pair of dark shades so nobody could see his eyes, which probably were red and swollen. He had walked right behind me, without even looking at me. But I understood him. If I had been him, of course, I'd had ignored myself. I was such a negligible person. But it had hurt me like a shot.

The next week wasn't better. Matthew avoided me and I tried my best to do the same. The only person I talked to was Kelly, who had listened every single one of my complaints and shit without showing signs of bother. She truly was an angel. We chatted a lot during the night; which was the time of the day when I suffered the most because I could saw Matthew online, but I couldn't talk to him. I also was obsessed with stalking him, something I tried to avoid but I just simply couldn't. If I couldn't see Matthew in person, at least I had his old pictures. And the blurry photo I had taken months ago.

By the second week, I was desperate. I needed Matthew, but I had promised to stay away. And seeing him every day, sitting all by himself during the classes we shared, being ignored by everybody, pained me like nothing else. Because I could've been there, by his side, but I had ruined everything with him just because I hadn't wanted to accept the reality.

After Spanish, I took my backpack and I started walking towards the cafeteria. I was walking slowly, looking at the floor and thinking about the homework the teacher had assigned. I took my spot on the queue and I focused my attention on the little TV, that was passing a lot of mainstream music videos. Two spots behind me, Kelly was looking at her phone. And Matthew was four spaces ahead. I sighed and I took a look at the menu that was hanging above the cooks and the food. I  
didn't really like anything so I chose to eat a hamburger.

Just when it was my turn to take a tray, someone else entered to the cafeteria. It was a tanned, bleach blond guy that thought was better than everyone just because his father drove a Bentley. His name was Jesse Collin but nobody cared about it. The orange walked straight to the queue and pushed someone, which resulted in being a girl called Amy, who went to History with me.

"Hey, what's your problem?" Someone said, but the guy didn't care. It was until someone did the same to him that he reacted.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He shouted.

"See? It isn't nice when someone does the same," the person who had pushed him said. I deign to watch the scene, horrified because I had recognized Matthew's voice instantly. He had been the one who had pushed Jesse. Matthew was so innocent he was going to end up destroyed. Jesse looked at him, smiled and pushed him stronger that he had done with Amy.

"Who the hell you think you are, huh? You're just a stupid, homosexual guy that nobody likes," the tanned guy roared and I had enough. When Jesse grabbed Matthew by his shirt and started threatening him with a fight, I decided to intervene.

"Can you please save my spot?" I asked the guy behind me. He, who was seeing all the situation, nodded. I went to Jesse and talked to him.

"Hey, you, Mr. Nobody! What do you think you're doing?"

"Who's asking? The real Mr. Nobody?"

"Listen, you bastard. Just because your daddy's got a fancy car doesn't mean you're that cool."

"Stop talking to me, I don't talk to the poor."

"Well, 'the poor' will destroy your perfectly aligned teeth if you don't release the guy."

"Here," he said and, literally, threw Matthew in my direction. "You can have your boyfriend. You both are disgusting."

Everyone was watching us. I had stopped Matthew from falling, and now he was behind me, looking at Jesse with a face I'd never seen him before. I had seen him angry just one time, so it was weird for me to see him like that again. The blond guy looked around the cafeteria and then sentenced.

"You all can go fuck yourselves."

"It'd be better than fucking you!" A girl shouted from one of the tables and, then, the whole cafeteria burst into applauses. Jesse threw the trays and left the cafereria, apparently indignant.

"Dom, that was incredible!" Amy said a couple of seconds after Jesse left the cafeteria.

"Thank you. But, actually, you should thank Matthew. He defended you in the first place."

"I know, and I already did it. You know what? I always thought you were a bad guy, that just cared about girls and bullied other people. But, now... You're  
amazing."

I looked at her, surprised. She liked the new Dom. And it wasn't Kelly. Nor my mother. It was another person, a person who originally thought I was despicable, had changed her mind about me.

"Thank you, Amy."

"Can I hug you?" she asked.

"Of course," I answered and we hugged. Then, she stepped back and said goodbye with her hand. I did the same and, when she went to her spot on the queue, I saw Matthew behind her, looking at me. And smiling.

I stood there, looking at him without knowing what to do, surprised as I never had been before. That was when he took a step forward.  
And I nearly started crying.

I did the same, and we began walking until we were acceptably close to each other. In that moment, I really hoped nobody was watching us anymore. Matthew was still looking at me with that smile on his lips. And, just when I was about to say something, he started to talk.

"Dominic, I wanted to thank you for helping me with Jesse. I really thought he was going to attack me."

"It's nothing, Matthew. I've hated that guy since I saw him for the first time."

I started walking to the exit (at the end, the little fight with Jesse had taken all my hunger away), when I heard Matthew calling me.

"Dominic."

"What's up?"

"You... You can call me Matt. I-if you want."

I smiled to him in the most sincere way I could.

"Of course I want. See you later, Matt."

And I left the cafeteria, with tears of happiness filling my eyes. Although I didn't know if they were exactly tears of happiness. Maybe they were tears of sadness, filling my eyes with the thought of Matthew never being by my side. Watching him with other people, maybe looking at me as a close friend or maybe as a brother.  
Maybe Matthew was never meant for me.

Matthew was everything I would never be. Everything I wanted to be. Everything I aspired to be.  
Everything I wanted.  
And I couldn't have him.  
Because he wasn't for me, and I never understood it until that moment.  
Or maybe I never accepted it.

Just when I was leaving the school, with all those thoughts in my mind, I heard Kelly's voice practically shouting at me. Angry, as I had never heard her before.

"Enough, Dom. How long will you keep lying to yourself?"

She was leaned against the wall, looking at me with a serious glance.

"What are you talking about?"

"Stop pretending you don't know. Matthew's still inside! Go and tell him everything!"

I looked at her, almost trying to tell her with my glance that I just couldn't. That I had finally realized Matthew and I were a concept, not a probability. And, obviously, not a reality. In my eyes, I still felt those tears of sadness, those tears full of all the hopes and expectations my mind had created. It was almost like they were about to be discarded in my tears. But they refused to fall.

"Kelly, it's impossible. I hurt him, I have nothing to give him, and I just feel that he deserves a better person than me. He's too beautiful to bear with such a nuisance as I am."

"Dominic, Matthew feels the same you do. I have seen him, the way he looks at you... Just, take a chance. For him. For what you feel. For you both. I'm sure this separation hurts both of you, not just you or him."

"Do you really think he wants to be with someone like me?"

"Well, you can ask him," she said and started to walk away.

I watched her walk, thinking on what she had said to me. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't keep hurting Matthew as if I didn't care. The separation might hurt him too, but it was better for him if I stayed away from him. He didn't deserve all that shit. The shit I made him feel.

I sat on a bench in front of the school. Not waiting for someone, just thinking. Thinking of everything that had happened since that day where I decided that go bully a guy without Chris was a good idea. If I could go back in time and change one thing, maybe I would go change that. That way, he would have been safe from the stupid storm of feelings I had for him.

I stayed there for almost an hour, just thinking. I didn't want to go to my house. I felt like I didn't belong there. I saw Jesse leaving school in his dad's luxurious Bentley, I saw my teachers waving at some students at the bus stop; I even saw Tom leaving the building with a girl by his side. It was Friday, there were no extracurricular activities that day.

I looked at the floor, trying to remember what my mom had told me to do when I arrived home. While I was doing that, someone approached me and sat on the bench, by my side.  
Yes, it was Matthew.

"Hey, Dominic," he said. His voice was calm, melodic, almost cheerful.

"Hey," I answered, trying not to look at him.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" he asked.

"No, it's okay."

Although I did mind, because his mere presence right next to me hurt me like a shot. Just when you realize you can't have that person, they come and fuck your idea of letting them go. And there was my person. Matthew, next to me, trying to talk to me like we used to do before. He was trying so hard he even asked me the same thing twice.

"Let me ask you something, Matt," I suddenly said, while he was talking about the cars.

"Yes?"

And I looked at him. And I wished I never had done that.  
His eyes dragged me into a sea of sensations, of feelings so strong they weakened me. I almost felt like drowning.  
Did his eyes always had that glow? Or was I imagining it?

"Would you want to be with a person who just hurt you?"

Matthew looked at me without understanding.

"Let me ask you again... Would you want to be with someone who... Hmm... W-with someone like... Like me?"

The glow in his eyes seemed to fade, while he looked away from me. In that moment, I could feel my heart slowly breaking.

"You don't just hurt me..." he muttered.

"Matt, accept it. I just know how to bully you. I've made you cry, I've physically harmed you, I've taken advantage of you in several occasions... I'm like a parasite."

"But, Dominic, I've never cared about that..."

"Then you have a problem," I firmly said, getting up the bench. He was looking at me with a glance full of... Pain?  
"Nice, Dominic. You really know how to put that feeling in his eyes," my mind said.

"What do you mean?"

"Matthew, since I know you I've never done anything for you. I've just used you. And the fact you don't care about it tells me your self-esteem is so low you're willing to let a bully fuck up your life."

"Dominic, you don't do it 'cause you're bad. And I know it."

"No. You don't know it, and you don't know me. But, all I can tell you, is that I don't want to make you suffer anymore. Matt, I won't do this to you. So, please, just... Just stay away from me. Ignore me, pretend I don't exist, I, don't, know. But don't come near me with your perfect personality because it, hurts, me," at that point, my anger against me had taken control of my thoughts. I was threateningly close to him, grabbing his arms but trying not to shake him. He was just looking at me with sadness. "Just as I hurt you, you do the same. But not by bullying me, but by showing me the kind of person you are. The kind of person I'll never be."

I started talking when I felt the tears falling down my cheeks. Matthew wanted to say something, but I didn't let him.

"The worst thing about this is that I like you, Matthew. But, for your own good, I have to be away from you. I care about you too much." And I released him.

I took my backpack, ready to leave him, but he called me.

"Dominic."

"What do you want?"

"I like you too. And..." But I didn't listen the rest of what he said. My mind kept repeating those four words over and over again, and I couldn't look away from his beautiful eyes. How come? How come the person I was trying to protect from myself could feel the same as I did? Specially when I had treated him like shit all that time?

"I'm sorry I didn't hear what you said," I decided to tell him the truth.

"I said I care about you too, and that's the reason of why I like you. I knew since that day we talked about Marx that you were a good guy, but a bit misunderstood. Dominic, I haven't feared you all this time. Well, maybe just twice but, the rest of the days I've seen just a fantastic guy. And I couldn't help but fall in love with you. So, please, don't do this just when we both know the truth."

"Matthew, I bullied you. And I did it because my own friends were moking me for liking you. You don't deserve that, you deserve a better person."

"But you are the person I deserve. Why do you think I deserve a saint or something like that? I've done a lot of fucked up things, I'm not perfection turned into a person."

"You are for me. You are everything I wanna be and I can't be with a person like that. I can't hurt them and turn them into the monster I am. That's the reason behind this. I don't wanna corrupt you."

I started walking away from him, ignoring his callings and everything. Every syllable he pronounced hurt me like hell. His voice sounded so painful I started to think that, even when I wanted to do the best for him I hurt him. And then, I couldn't think straight.

I began to walk to him, looking at his beautiful eyes. I wasn't thinking, I was just acting on impulse.

"Matthew, Matthew Bellamy... I'm sorry I don't know your middle name but... May I kiss you?"

He slightly smirked.

"It's James. And yes, yes you can."

We were surrounded by people, in front of our school, in a hot but cloudy afternoon; but fuck it.

So I approached him, not sure of what I was going to do. My pulse was racing, as if I just had run a marathon. But, come on, the person I liked the most, and the one I had renounced to, had allowed me to kiss him. He was just looking at me, but I didn't know how he was looking at me. His eyes always had that beautiful glow. I could see he was awkwardly shifting his weight from side to side, which made the desire to kiss that adorable boy bigger. When I was close enough, I just closed my eyes, approached my face to his, tilting my head a bit, and I hoped he did the same.  
And I felt it.

My lips were softly resting on his, and they were warm and soft, like I always thought they were. I had initially placed my hands on his arms, but soon I stopped grabbing him and I hugged him, feeling his heartbeat so close to mine it sent shivers down my spine. Sure I was on a slightly uncomfortable position, but I didn't care. As long as my chapped lips could be touching his, feeling the taste of redemption, I could be in the worst position ever and I wouldn't care. I just cared about the feeling of Matthew's lips pressed against mine. I was shaking, I almost felt drunk. His hands were placed around me, but almost like doubting.

And I could have stayed with him, like that, forever; but that wasn't the plan. What was I doing? Just feeding a lost cause. But I couldn't leave him. Even when it started to rain, and the little raindrops began to hit my face. I was starting to feel cold, and that feeling made me finally pull apart from him. Although I didn't want to.

I began to walk away from him, looking at him in the eyes. He looked broken. And, although he was all wet thanks to the rain, I could see he was crying.  
And that reminded me I just hurt him.

I took my backpack from the floor and ran to my house, without looking back. I had done it. I had kissed and left the boy I liked, the boy who had changed me in a way nobody could. The boy I had to protect... By staying away.

As soon as I entered in my house, I started crying.  
Because I had kissed him right after I had told him to stay away.  
Because, no matter what I did, I was always going to hurt him.  
Because I was such a disgusting guy.  
And I didn't deserve the people who surrounded me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell me that you love me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I really hope you enjoy this chapter as much as we (my friend, the original author and I) did writing it! Any kind of feedback is well received!

"What I'm saying is that you need to go outside, Dominic," Nicole said, looking at me kind of disappointed. She had opened the window and taken off my blanket, in an attempt of making me get out of my bed.

"Why would I need it?" I said, getting into a more comfortable position.

"Because you've been there all weekend. Come on, Dominic, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nicole, what did I tell you about that language?" my mother shouted. She was leaned against the door frame, looking at us alternatively.  
Cool, just my dad was missing in that pointless family reunion in my bedroom.

"Sorry, mum. It's just Dominic's acting like if it was a big deal."

"It is a big deal," I said, trying to grab my blanket. Nicole just pulled it away from me.

"What is the big deal? I don't understand," my mom said.

I sat on my bed, while the two women looked at me, waiting for an answer. They both were serious and, in that moment, I realized how similar their faces were. And it made me think of my own face, and how people said I looked more like my dad. Which wasn't actually bad, because he was okay. Not that he was a handsome man, but he was nice...

"Dominic, we're waiting," Nicole urged me.

"Okay, okay. So, there's this person I met some months ago. At first, I didn't like them but, after giving them an opportunity, uh... We started to get along. We became..." I interrupted myself because I had started to think about Matthew. I moved my head, trying to think of another thing. "We became friends. But, well, I... Or... I don't know. I, um... I fell in love with them. And it's killing me."

Nicole was looking at me with a serious glance. My mom, with a kind one.

"I'm sure she loves you too, Dom. You should tell her how you feel."

She. Of course, that had been my mom's first thought.  
My mom didn't know I was actually a bisexual. Not because I didn't trust her or she was biphobic or something like that, but because I didn't know as well. But I guess it had always been on me. I never forced me to exclusively like girls and when I saw a cute guy I would tell him. And, of course, there was Matthew. I had actually found him attractive that day we had talked about Marx, but I didn't want to accept it. Not because I was ashamed or I tried to deny it, but because, in that moment, the thought of falling for Matthew was completely stupid.

"Mom, um... That person isn't precisely a girl."

That was when my mom started to fully pay attention to my words. Nicole, who had a vague idea of who it could be, frowned at me. I took a deep breath before starting.

"I never thought I was going to fall for him, to be honest. Because, well, I bullied him. Almost every day. But then that party happened, and I accidentally hit him with the restroom's door, and he said 'lumpenproletariat'... That was the starting point. After that, I would find myself thinking about him, trying not to act stupid in front of him, and a big etc. I even took him a picture. But I realized I'm not good for him and I decided to stop bothering him. And that, my dear mother and sister, is what keeps me here every weekend. I can't be without him, I'm no good without him."

"Who's the guy, honey?" my mom asked me, getting closer to me. My bottom lip trembled as I prepared myself to say his name.

"Matthew. Matthew Bellamy."

"Our neighbor?" Nicole said, looking me dead in the eye.

"Yes. Matthew Bellamy has been occupying my thoughts since that goddamn party. Matthew Bellamy is the reason I tried to be different. Because now I see it so clear... Because I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be worthy of him. And now I lost him. I... I let him go."

I lifted my head, looking at them. My mother was calm, just thinking about what to say, maybe. As to my sister, she was uncomfortable. I could feel it. But not because I liked a guy, but because I was almost worshipping him.

"I still think you should tell him."

"He knows. And he feels the same. That's why I pushed him away."

"Honestly, Dom, you're so stupid," my sister interrupted. "Come on! You like the guy, he likes you back, why can't you just go and say you didn't mean it?"

"Because he deserves more than me."

"Don't ever say that again, Dominic James Howard!" my mother yelled. "You're unique."

"Says my mom. Hmm... James. We even have the same middle name," I said, running a hand through my hair.

"What I was saying, Dom is that your argument is pointless. If you like him, if you seriously feel like that, you should go and risk everything. And, you're not a better person just because you wanted to be like him. You've always been a good person. You just needed to be reminded of that," Nicole said.

I thought of it for a moment. Well, Matthew had said he wasn't exactly an angel, and that I was the person he deserved. Contrasting it with what Nicole had said, it seemed to me that Matthew wasn't talking about the side of me that I was thinking. He was talking about the side Nicole had mentioned. The side he saw. He didn't think of me as a bad person.  
Fuck.

"What are you thinking about, mom?" I asked her. She looked at me, first with a serious glance and then smiling.

"Nicole's right. You're a good person, and that's what Matthew thinks too. Look, we all can take the wrong path if we don't pay attention. I know it might be my fault since I'm never with you, or your dad's job's fault since it separated this family. But you noticed it, and you decided to return. That's good. And, if you feel that Matthew was the reason you noticed, it's okay. But you can't do this to yourself."

"So you're suggesting me to go and tell him everything?" I asked. They both nodded.

"But, you can't go right now," Nicole said. "It's about to rain."

Grabbing my boots and putting on my hoodie, I looked at the window, then I looked at them again.

"Fuck it," I said, before running downstairs. I could hear my mom yelling at me from my bedroom.

I left my house, trying to comb my hair with my fingers as I remembered how to get to Matthew's house. The sky was filled with gray clouds, and nobody was seated on the benches. It also was pretty windy, which added emotion to my pathetic race. In my mind, the only thing I could hear was my mom and sister's words. How they truly believed I was a good person.

I crossed the street, still thinking on that, searching Matthew's house with my glance. When I finally found it, I stopped there for a few seconds to grab some air. It was starting to rain when I arrived. I closed my eyes, breathed and opened again, before ringing the bell. The rain was starting to get heavier, and I thought how angry my mom was going to be when she saw I was wet.

Just when I was imagining her scolding me, someone opened the door. It was Ms. Bellamy. She was wearing an apron that, in its early days, was white. Now it was severely stained. She looked at me as if she was trying to remember if she actually had seen me before. Then, she spoke. I think she gave up trying.

"Yes?"

"Good afternoon, Ms. Bellamy, my name's Dominic and..."

"Oh, you're Layla's son!" she said.

"Yes. I came here to see Matthew, is he here?"

"Of course, I'll tell him so he can come and meet you."

I nodded while I peeled my bottom lip. She left the door half open, and I could hear her calling Matthew. I didn't hear his answer, but I heard his voice yelling at someone (possibly Paul) very close to the door. I prepared myself. When the door opened, I felt my pulse disappearing.

There he was, standing in front of me, looking me dead in the eye. He was wearing a white shirt with three-quarter sleeves, which flattered his thin arms; a pair of jet black trousers and black Converse. His black hair rested naturally on his forehead, while some strands of his hair formed peaks.  
There he was, as beautiful as he always had been.

"Dominic. What are you doing here?" he asked. But his voice didn't sound friendly at all.

"I, uh... I was wondering if we could talk."

"About what? Thought you had said everything like one month ago," Matthew answered, looking at me in a disinterested way.

"Well, I didn't."

"Well, I don't wanna talk to you," he said. What. The. Fuck?

He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, looking at me all serious. Okay, since when he had started to act like that? I just blinked, perplexed. Come on, it had just been a month. Nobody goes from sweet to petty in one month.

"Why not, huh?" I asked, imitating his pose.

"Because you expressly told me to stay away from you. Well, I'm not the one who's breaking his own word."

"Matt, what the fuck?"

"I'm Matthew," he said. And, though it had hurt me to hear him say, again, that he didn't want to be called "Matt" by me, I did my best not to show it. I was just too surprised of his attitude to let him know that thing mattered to me.

"Fuck... Matthew," I mocked his name and made a face, and he just narrowed his eyes and frowned. "You're either telling me to call you Matt or demanding to be called Matthew. Just decide, goddammit."

He opened his mouth to say something, maybe to fight back, but then he shut it. I could see he was angry, but I didn't understand why. The rain was heavily falling, wetting my hoodie and, in consequence, wetting me. I was about to say that it was better if I just went to my house and pretended I never visited him when I heard Matthew's mom's voice from inside the house.

"Matt, close the door!"

"I'm discussing something important, mum," he answered.

"Well, then let your friend enter the house. Go to your room and keep discussing your 'important' thing," Ms. Bellamy said, the last thing in a sarcastic mode. "But I want that goddamn door closed right now."

Matthew sighed, looking at me with the angriest face I had ever seen on him. He moved to the left, allowing me to walk into the house. It was weird, I had never been inside his house before, and I didn't want to be there if he was acting like that. His mom appeared from the kitchen and, when she saw me, she almost screamed.

"Oh, my gosh, Dominic! You're all wet!" she immediately looked at his son, who was still looking at me with that angry glance. "Go upstairs and bring a clean towel, now."

Matthew, without even looking at me, ran upstairs.

"This kid," Ms. Bellamy said. "I'm sorry he let you stay outside for too long. He's been pretty distracted and acting weird lately. He's been seeing someone, but I don't think they're going anywhere." Gosh, Ms. Bellamy liked to gossip more than my own mom. I tried to say something, but she kept talking. "Actually, he was going to meet her today. But yeah, then the rain came and that's why he's mad."

"It's okay, Ms. Bellamy. I actually like the rain."

"But, love, you're gonna get sick! What will I tell your mom?"

"She doesn't know I came," I lied.

It seemed like everything in that house was perfectly timed in my favor because, just when she was going to answer, Matthew came back with a towel. He gave it to me, though I knew he wanted to throw it at my face. He literally was that angry it can be felt. He sighed.

"My room is upstairs. Follow me, if you wanna keep discussing it."

He began to walk to his room and I followed him, as he had told me. It wasn't that I wanted to keep arguing with him but, damn, I needed to clarify everything. In that moment, I was more interested in solving everything with him than in my original purpose. Thanks to his mom's information, I knew he had been seeing someone, and that was certainly something I was going to ask him.

Matthew opened his room's door and, the first thing I noticed was the music. Soothing and beautiful. It felt like a day at the beach. The woman's voice was so relaxing I wanted to close my eyes and imagine I was just floating in the sea, with that song in the background. Matthew entered and I did the same and, when we both were inside his room, he closed the door and shut off the music.

"What were we saying?" he asked, sitting on his bed. It was messy but clean.

"I was saying that you should decide how the hell you want to be called, 'cause I'm starting to get tired of this."

"Guess what? I don't care about that."

He ran a hand through his hair, messing it. I had to control myself not to smile. That boy could be innocent and everything, but he also could be sexy as fuck. He also had recently been sick, because his voice sounded more hoarse than always.

"And would you care if your new girlfriend told you to decide once for all?" I spat. I didn't want to say it with such complaining voice, but it sounded like that. Matthew looked at me as if I had told him he was going to be murdered.

"How you...? I..." he started mumbling, without being able to finish a single sentence. I crossed my arms and walked to him, trying to look threatening.

"It doesn't matter how I found out. Tell me, Matthew, how long have you been together?"

"She's not my girlfriend..." he said, with the classic, shy tone that was typical of him. "We've been just..."

"Who's the girl, huh?" I interrupted him. He wasn't looking at me anymore and had hidden his hands on his hoodie.

"Is Monica," he mumbled.

"Your brother's ex-girlfriend, nice. Now, answer me something... Why are you such a liar?"

"I'm not a..."

"Shut up. Of course you are. Because, if you weren't, you wouldn't have told me that you liked me back that day."

"I wasn't lying on that," he said, looking at me with a completely different glance. He wasn't angry anymore, but kind of sad. "Listen, Monica is not my girlfriend, and I don't want her to be it. We've just been meeting as friends."

"I don't fucking believe you," I said.

"Alright, don't believe me. At the end, you think I'm gonna believe in everything you said that day?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked. He had stood up.

"I don't believe you decided to stay away from me for my own good."

"You... You make me so sick," I said, trying not to smile. But not a happy smile, but an upset one. "Sometimes you make me want to kill you. And sometimes, you make me want to kiss you. Right now, I can't decide which one you're making me feel."

"You make me sick too," he said.

"Matthew... The reason I came here today wasn't to argue with you, but to clarify what happened that day."

"It's easy: You told me to stay away from you... And then you kissed me, and made everything more difficult." My glance fixed on his eyes, that still had that beautiful shine. And I understood that it had been hard for him too. Especially considering I had kissed him.

I took his hand almost unconsciously. It was the first time I held his hand, and the contact had been thrilling. His hand was cold, probably because of the rain. It surprised me he hadn't tried to separate our hands, taking into account we had been arguing minutes ago. The rain hadn't stopped. Actually, it had gotten stronger. I took a deep breath, reviewing what I was going to say, then I stared at his blue eyes and started.

"Matthew, I'm deeply sorry about everything I said that day. I was still blinded by what had happened at school, and I thought that leaving you once for all was the best thing to do. Because I thought I was bad for you. But, now I understand that you always saw my good side, the one I always ignored. And it happens the same with you. I thought you deserved a better person because I just can see your good side. For me, it's more important than your bad side. You get angry very easily, you are shy as hell, you suck at organic chemistry and you let everyone treat you the way they want. But I don't care about your flaws. I just care about you."

"And you're really moody, very impolite, kind of promiscuous and a bully. But I just can see the person underneath it," he said, slightly smiling.

I took his other hand and got closer to him.

"I've never done this before but... Matthew, I'm sorry. For everything I've done to you."

"Shut up, Dominic. I don't care about that," Matthew said, and now the smile on his face was obvious as hell.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked him. He nodded, still smiling.

"You've always called me 'Dominic'. Though, all this time, you've been allowed to call me Dom."

"You never said I could call you like that."

"I didn't think it was necessary. You see, everybody calls me Dom if they want."

"Well, Dom..." I couldn't help but smile after hearing him call me like that. "You can call me Matt. And I promise not to change my mind later."

"I hope you don't, 'cause I love calling you like that."

And then we kissed. I didn't have to ask him this time because we both wanted to. My heart was beating really fast, and I could feel my whole body shaking. Like the first time, I was hugging him close to me, as if I was fearful of losing him. He had his arms around my neck. I didn't know about my peeled lips, but his lips were as soft and warm as I could remember. Again, I wanted to stay with him, like that, forever. For me, it was a dream. There was no way the cutest of the boys could have fallen for me. I was dreaming, I was sure. It was impossible that he liked me back, and that we were kissing. My mind was thinking about everything and anything at the same time, and it drove me mad. Because I just wanted to enjoy the sweet touch of his lips, nothing more.

When we separated, I just stood there, admiring him. He looked so cute with his messy black hair, his mesmerizing blue eyes, and his adorable smile. I couldn't help but remember the first time I saw him. Shy as he had always been to me. Innocent and, yet, perfect. Oh, gosh, I was so in love with that skinny little boy, but there was nothing I could do about it.

"What are you looking at?" he asked, playing with the sleeves of his shirt.

"Matthew, you're beautiful," I said, still looking at him. He slightly blushed and tried to hide a smile.

"Thought you liked to call me Matt," he said. I just sighed.

"Damn, Matt, you're ruining the mood," I joked, and he laughed.

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't be. If I kept kissing you I was going to collapse."

Matthew laughed again and both sat on his bed.  
Then, we made it out until the rain stopped.  
Just kidding.

He started to play his favorite music for me, although he was a bit embarrassed. Then, when he finished playing his highlights from every album, we just started talking about random topics. He told me his birthday was in a few days and I told him about the horrible situation with my dad, living and working on Scottland and not calling for several months.

"I have this fucked up theory in which he made another family and forgot about us," I said, leaning on the wall.

"But you said your parents were still married."

"Yes, but... You know, it could be. I don't think my dad's like that but, yeah... I actually don't know what to say."

"Well, maybe you should call him," Matthew suggested.

"Yeah, maybe I should do it."

The rain eventually stopped, so I had to go. I said goodbye to Matthew, giving him a quick kiss before going downstairs. I said goodbye to his mom and left the house, feeling so blissful I looked high. My mind was repeating the moment we kissed over and over again, which made me extremely happy. Come on, in that moment, I was the happiest of the guys. I even wanted to perform a musical number right there, in the park, similar to the ones in "Enchanted" or something like that.  
Matthew liked me back and nothing else was more important.

I didn't tell everything to my family, of course. I just told them I had said everything to him and that now we were okay. They seemed to be okay with that answer, thanks God. So I went to my room, thinking on that weird day. What had started as a shitty-as-fuck day had turned into the best day of my life. In that moment, a lyric from a song Matthew had played for me resonated in my mind.  
"Do you want to live forever?"  
Yes, yes I wanted.


End file.
